


The year that comes

by TheWriteWalker



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Alina the innocent doe, Death, F/M, Fanfiction, Grishaverse, Magic, Post Ruin and Rising, a unfortunate (really?) turn of events, a year after, grisha - Freeform, its love, shadow and bone - Freeform, what happens next?, who ends up with the Alina?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 10:27:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 32,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27349615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWriteWalker/pseuds/TheWriteWalker
Summary: "The problem with wanting is that it makes us weak." He once said. But he is gone. Gone and nothing left, not even a place I can desecrate him for all the horrible things he made me endure.He promised me once that he would take everything I loved and I would only be left with his shelter.But he is gone now and I am safe with Mal by my side.I remember that last thing he said to me:"Once more," he said. "Speak my name once more."He was ancient, I knew that. But in that moment, he was just a boy - brilliant, blessed with too much power, burdened by an eternity. And it was true..."Aleksander."And then he was gone.Set a year after the battle against The Darkling where he and Sankta Alina died.NO SPOILERS!!!Started: October 23rd (first posted on October 24th though on Wattpad)Finished: unknown
Relationships: Mal Oretsev/Alina Starkov, Nikolai Lantsov/Alina Starkov, The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov
Comments: 9
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

Alina woke up to another day in another year where there was no war. Finally her country was at peace and nothing was going to stop her from enjoying it. 

She was no longer Sankta Alina the Sun Summoner. She no longer had her powers and was now an _otkazat'sya._

She finally got the life she wanted. With the one person she wanted. Today was a day just like yesterday and she didn't care. She did not have the burden of eternity she had to cover.

Keramzin was quiet this morning. It was like spring was wooing itself to their doorstep and kept everyone asleep. It took a while to remake her childhood home after it was damaged last year. 

Not damaged. 

Destroyed. 

It was a bloodbath. And the burnt ruins left nothing but misery. It was done by the very man that called her his equal.

No. 

She would not remember the year she tried to forget repetitively. The one she was so close to forgetting. Mal was asleep beside her. She slowly rolled over on the bed so she could see him. His hair was longer than his standard First Army's cut, and the curls were all over his face. His eyes at ease and his body was calm.

Still asleep, but still handsome like always. 

This was the life she wanted. Waking up besides Mal everyday for the rest of her life. That was what they both wanted after all the chaos that happened the previous year. 

After gazing at Mal what seemed like hours, she finally sat up staring at her room. 

It was made of a strong wooden structure and the walls were painted maroon, which contrasted her furniture that was beige. There was nothing over-designed and the furniture were where it had always been. In front of her bed, was the embroidered carpet that held the small, curved wooden table that was designed on its borders. It was crafted with many symbols and flowers that were not really noticed. She slowly gazed to the right where the door to their room and the swarm of hand drawn pictures were. 

They all contained memories that had been drawn by the kids of the orphanage, containing mostly of her and Mal. But there were a bunch that were about the grisha and Nikolai.Next to the pictures was her armchair where she would read whenever she felt like it or couldn't sleep at night. Other than that, there was the dresser and its table, and a closet where she kept her clothes.

As everyone was still asleep, she slowly got up, not to wake Mal. 

It seemed like she was the only one not affected with the spell of spring. 

She slowly walked up towards the windows that were slightly covered with white curtains that were located right in front of her bed. She peacefully sat on the window seat, leaning towards the fenetre, the view of the garden was then visible.

The place she grew up was nothing but filled with horrible memories of how she was treated. With things that could not be touched. Mal was the only reason she survived. When they founded and built their new orphanage it had been rebuilt with a beautiful garden containing various colours. The flowers were bright and the green grass was short but tough. It was a place for children who were pampered with goodies. Books full of stories, and skates for each child.

She remembered how every morning she would wake up and see children playing in the garden. Laughing and smiling. The garden was one of the first places where she created new memories for her new life. The stoned path which lead to a tree she and Mal would sneak out when they wanted to be alone. In front of that tree was the oak tree where Ana Kuya, and Botkin had been hanged. It was a place to remember them and their sacrifice. And she often would visit them and their graves over there.

But all it did was trigger old memories.

A childhood she never got, and wanted to give to the orphans. That made her miss Ana Kuya however she was, she was the closest thing she and Mal had to a mother. 

She remember how her teachers wouldn't let anyone have fun and didn't care if the big kids hurt her while they drank _kvas_. She would never let anyone feel the way she had, and that were one of the new rules she had created.

The teachers in her recreated orphanage were always fussy about the ways the children should be taught. But didn't argue further with their high pay and the charming boy who would fit in easily.

She changed every negative part of her childhood home and obsoleted all their rules. This was a place where they would feel safe. Where they would seek refuge and build a new life. Where they would learn maths, geography, science, and art.

Every year when the Grisha came to test the children they were offered a choice. To stay or get trained. Most left for the adventure that awaited, though visited her and helped the orphanage often. Others that stayed, were older, and helped with the young children that showed up on their doorstep every once in a while. They got a choice to live a quiet life away from the mysteries of the world.

She slowly drifted her attention to the curved table in front of her bed. What it held was nothing positive. The same stacks of papers containing bills and bills, of all the expenses they needed to covered. All the gifts they bought the children. They were liked in Keramzin, so nobody made a big fuss. But sometimes debts had to be paid, and right now their financial state wasn't as strong as it used to be. That was a problem for another time, and not today morning. It was too beautiful to be spoiled. 

Ravka was finally at peace, or the closest thing to it, and she would foster every moment and enjoy each part of it. The rebuilding of the house was fast but the expenses came even faster as kids showed up. The house was not strong to last eternity but at least a few years until they got more money to built it stronger. It was appropriately built so it could hold its residents but needed more for it to thrive. Thank the saints winter was not close, or else they would all freeze to death.

Soon after his title was official, Nikolai started up a constitution for the building of better lives. The purpose was to help rebuild Ravka and heal its wounds. Where they would fund for the damage and costs to rebuilt its buildings . It was the too-clever fox's way to look out for her and the kids that lost their parents. It was his way of supporting her with the new, simple, legacy she wanted and cared for. After the Duke died months ago after the battle, there was no money left for the place. She knew Nikolai was trying to help, but the once great privateer also had his limits.

So much had changed in a year. New laws, new traditions, new homes. But everybody still remembered the final battle. Stories were told from generation to generation. It was a day that was celebrated and mourned for the lives that were lost and the future that was created. It was a day that would now be celebrated every year as a new holiday. _Den iz istoriya,_ is what they would call it. The day of the people. The day that the Sankta Alina their hero, and The Darkling, their enemy, had died.

Memories of the battle kept coming back in flashbacks. And it was getting hard to sleep. Though she didn't tell Mal about it. It was the first time in a while the memories had returned, probably due to the time of the year. Next week would be the first anniversary of the battle with The Darkling, and she didn't know if she was looking forward to it or not. 

Her friends from the palace wrote her a letter saying they would come and told her not to decorate the place as they had a surprise of their own. It was normal for them to visit her once in a while and send her presents for the kids if they could not make it. Their political life had its own challenges but if they did come it would be discreet and they would disguise themselves to not gain unwanted attention. Even after Ravka had peace, things with the Shu Hans and the Fjerdas were not safe. There were attacks every month or so, even when they signed the treaty, they told Nikolai they had nothing to do with it.

The Soldat Sol said they would be incharge of the celebration and told everybody to hang a small sun on their door and decorate their homes with bright colours. But they should place as many black ribbons around their house for all the loved ones they lost as a remembrance. The colour of The Darkling representing the lives he took. The reminder that he should be hated. 

If he did have a grave, it would be where they would desecrate him over and over again. This day would be a day people would laugh and cry and things that were sold in the honor of that.

Though, they said nobody should speak of him, unless it was remembering what he had done. How he made people suffer, and why he should not be remembered or spoken of. But she knew he deserved it because she was a small part, but the most important of his infinite life. 

She remember when she lost her powers and he was distracted so she stabbed him with her knife. And then the memory started playing in her head while she gazed through the window.

_"Alina," the Darkling repeated, his fingers seeking mine. I was surprised to find fresh tears filling my eyes._

The memory repeated in her head. It was like suffering all over again.

_He reached up and brushed his knuckles over the wetness on my cheek. The smallest smile touched his bloodstained lips. "Someone to mourn me."_

She didn't know why she was crying back then, but couldn't stop it. 

_He dropped his hand, as if the weight were too much. "No grave," he gasped, his hand tightening on mine, "for them to desecrate."_

_"All right," I said. The tears came harder._

_There will be nothing left._

_He shuddered. His eyelids drooped._ _"Once more," he said. "Speak my name once more."_

_He was ancient, I knew that. But in this moment he was just a boy—brilliant, blessed with too much power, burdened by eternity._

_"Aleksander."_ _His eyes fluttered shut. "Don't let me be alone," he murmured._

_And then he was gone._

***

Stop thinking of him, she told herself. Tears were so close to falling on her cheek.

On that note she snapped from daydreaming and slowly turned so her back was facing the window. As she tried to clear her thoughts, she saw Mal still asleep, and the rays of the sun bursting into his face. He moaned on the bed and took the covers and placed it over his face. 

That drew small smile on her face. 

As much as she loved Mal, it surprised her that he was not the reason she smiled. It was the memory that reminded her who she was. How she used her powers to cherish the people in hope. It reminded her what she was like. The comfort and the happiness she felt when she used her powers. She felt whole and enjoyed every once of it.

It reminded her what she did in the winter fete. The show she put on. The happiness that came after. 

But it also reminded her of The Darkling and how she was happy with him. When she was so naive and played right into his trap. 

When she fell in love with him. 

That reminded her the lust of power. The one she would do anything to get. The one she killed Mal to get.

" _I've seen what you truly are, and I've never turned away. Can he say the same?"_

Stop Alina.

Stop thinking about him.

He didn't deserve to be mourned, be he did. No matter how much he manipulated her, she secretly did and did not dare Mal about it. Every month after everyone was asleep she would curl in the conner of her room and cry. 

_"Someone to mourn me." He once said. And she was that someone._

_The only one that was left that knew who he once truly was._

She would be there for hours remembering each and every memory she had of him. The ones when he killed thousands of innocent people. Ones where he would visit her through their connection. The ones she saw him on the other side of the war. She would be there for hours, until her eyes were swollen and would go to sleep. She didn't know why she did it, but it seemed like it needed to be done. It was what helped her move on from her old life. She cared for him and he cared for her, both in their own ways. 

She hated him, but she missed him.

She was thankful that he was dead, but wasn't.

_"There will be nothing left."_

She remembered her promise.

If she could, if there had been a grave, that is where she would take her confused, complex emotions for him. Make him pay for all the misery he brought her and her friends. But to remember him.

But she never mistaken him to be anything but human. He was a boy once, yes. But was a power hungry monster in the last months of his life. 

For her.

Stop Alina. He can not be redeemed, he went to far.

Redemption was too much, but mourning him was too kind.

But that didn't feel true. Even as she thought about it. Whatever he was, whoever he was, he was still once human. And he was afraid of being alone. 

She would conclude her mourning, by remembering why she loved Mal and then she would go to sleep.

Mal.

She only mourned him when Mal was asleep on the couch downstairs, drunk from kvas with his friends after coming back from his hunt every month. 

What would her husband, the love of her life, her soulmate, think of her if he ever found out.

It was only one night every month where her past would catch up to her. And then she would forget everything that had happened. Live her new life. With Mal in it. And live it to its ability.

It killed her to hide this part of her from Mal, after being together for so long. But it was only one day every month. One day. 

And then she wouldn't even know The Darkling for the rest.

But secrets are kept to be discovered. 

She hoped that wouldn't be soon.. 


	2. Chapter 2

I slid my dark green robe above my short nightdress that exposed a lot of skin. It was not something appropriate to wear when they were children around, but it had been warm last night and this was the only thing I could find to wear, other than sleeping naked. I wore my fluffy slippers and made my way downstairs. Mal was still asleep so peacefully and I wonder sometimes how he does that. I glimpsed past the dining room where some of the children were eating. They wore their pajamas even when their teachers told them not to. But they let them be. Classes were about to start, but half of them weren't even up yet. It seemed like they were enjoying the morning like Mal, and would stuff their faces last minute or skip breakfast before getting into trouble. 

Punishment was nothing serious, but was tiring of course. It had been Svetlana's idea, the teacher that taught manners and religion, and she insisted that the children should clean up the kitchen after everybody had eaten as a behavioural teaching while everybody else played. 

I myself once was so close to having do the dishes and cleaning, after I made a stupid mistake that Mal covered up for, and charmed his way out. Whatever the rules were for the children they were for us too. 

Svetlana was nothing like Ana Kuya. She was warm and loving, however was strict at the same time. She was not old as she looked, but after her village had burnt, surviving had been difficult before she found a place at Keramzin. She was a tall, thin lady, with green eyes, and sharp facial features. Her black hair was always tied up, and if it was ever open, it was probably when none of the children were there to see it. Like her name she was a shining women full of positivity, and that is was why anytime she went to the market there would be a line of men waiting for her.

I continued my walk to the kitchen when I turned my attention towards a big lady, that wore a brown top, its sleeves tucked to her elbows while she was cooking. She wore a dirty apron stained with ingredients she had used and her hair was tied in a bandana though her attention was towards the pots that smelt of flavours that made my mouth water. She was in her late 40's, but her strength was as strong as a young man's. I confidently marched bold towards the cook, who was moving from pot to pot and stirring her food.

"What's for breakfast?," I asked the cook is a squeaky voice. She was the only one, in the whole of Ravka, that make my confidence level drop in a second. Once her strong stare came towards me I was lost. Her face was full of disgust as she read me.

"Porridge and Blini Yelena," she replied in her deep voice. Without asking she shoved me a bowl of porridge before I could ask for Blini. There was something about me she hated and I always wondered what. She may look nice but she was nothing like that towards me. 

"Thank you, Kisa", I said and sprinted my way out the kitchen before she could give me one more of her evil stares.

I think she might be angry because she perceived that it was me who had taken her snacks last month, and still had obviously hadn't gotten over it. It was the truth and I couldn't blame her. Mal and I were hungry after staying up talking the other night. 

I made my way to the dining room, which was now fully packed and sat at the teachers table. None of them noticed me as usually barely gave me more than a glace where it was not needed. I quickly shoved spoon of the plain porridge in my mouth while the others enjoyed their Blini.

After a long while when I tried to eat faster, one of them spoke. 

"So what are you planning for today Yelena," the man with dusty blond hair spoke.

I was surprised he noticed me. Boris was one of those teachers that ignored me most of the time and only cared when there was something for him to gain. He taught the children maths, though now my thoughts were interrupted by his blue half-Fjerdan eyes staring at me waiting for a reply.

"Nothing much. I plan to go into the market and check on the preparations for Den iz istoriya," I replied innocently.

Speaking of which I needed to talk to Genya and discuss about the specifics of their so called surprise today which I had almost forgotten about. He started studying me, the way most adults had to tell if I spoke the truth or not. His young features stretching as he opened his mouth to speak.

Before he could reply I pressed him with a question.

"Why do you ask?"

He quickly replied with one of his infamous excuses. 

"I was just wondering if you had time to go and see the improvement the children have made. But it seems like you already have enough on your plate for Den iz istoriya, I guess you could do that some other time."

Without another look he started a new conversation with some of the other teachers. 

Why would he ask that? 

I thought to myself. He probably wants to know if I would come in by surprise and look at his teaching. I had once caught him sleeping in the chaos that the children caused with their surprised voices. And since then I had my doubts. It was Mal that kept me from removing him from the spot, as he was one of the people he had gone hunting with. 

I didn't really do much, other than tell stories every night in the living room where they would all gather up and listen. Or draw maps and paint the walls in the classroom. Mal on the other had taught survival skills and tracking, his speciality. So if any one of them were lost they could find their way back.

As soon as I finished, I took my bowl and kept it with the stack of dirty dishes that needed to be cleaned. The dining room was big enough to fix in a 100 people including the teachers. There were multiple sizes of dark wooden tables that could be sat on but one long one in the center where the teachers sat. The room had a small fire place on each side of the wall which was litten up during winter. There was long line that was wrapped around the walls with names of people we had lost as a memory to be lived. Some wrote their stories, some wrote a part of themselves they wanted to forget. Each person wrote their own thing on a piece of wood they were given by Mal and it was hanged in a form of one long line tracing its position on each wall.

It was not long that I went back upstairs to change and then saw Mal finally up.

His hair was now brushed, and he smelt of pine oak proving that he had just taken a shower. He wore one of his loose fitted plain white shirts and loose light brown trousers and his boots. All ready for adventure. I saw his eyes meeting mine with a smile. And as usual I smiled back.

"Mal, looks like your finally up?" I said sarcastically.

"I feel exquisit Alina thank you for asking though I-"

Before he could say more our lips met. 

I slowly took every part of him as he took every part of me. After what seemed like eternity I pulled apart.

"Why did you do that?", he asked.

His blue eyes looked like he was a child that had his toy taken away. 

"You know very well Mal that you have to teach in a few minutes"

"I know, but can't we just stay here a bit longer?"

"I am afraid not. Svetlana will this time punish you and there is no way you can charm your way out".

Before he could say more I dragged him out and shut the door in his face. Honestly, he deserved it for all the classes he had been late too. I could hear him grumbling outside the door which made me chuckle a bit. 

I had to quickly change to meet Genya in the market. She said it was a surprise that awaited and told me to cancel all my decoration plans for Den iz istoriya. It was not like I had any plans, I was hopeless when it came to decorating.

I quickly drew up a shower for myself and sunk in the bathtub. I would've stayed in there for hours if time was not of the essence. So I quickly scrubbed myself with some lavender soap and took a towel and wrapped it around myself. I changed into the long white blouse that was left for me with dark blue trousers and high boots that wood reach up to my knees. I was never one for dresses and everybody respected that. If anyone could see me right now they would think I was a thin white ribbon drowning in a dark lake. I rarely wore white because of my white hair which Genya tried to change last time to avoid attention. As usual her luck was better than mine, and it lasted a few weeks before it got the attention it surprising accepted. 

So instead of wearing my white blouse like a good girl, I changed giving a possibility to run late to my rendezvous with Genya. It was not like she would be there on time, and her trip from Os Alta could always be delayed. In the end after trying various outfits, I finally chose one that was better suited with my hair. When did I become so picky with my clothes I didn't know. I ended up wearing a pale light blue blouse with small gold embroidery on the sleeves, it nudged a memory of my blue kefta that I used to wear. 

Before I could stop myself I was in my closet once more throwing my clothes out opening a loose board of the so-assumed base of the closet. Nobody, not even Mal knew it existed. As I slowly lifted the slack of wood I could see my chest was still there. 

Before I could take the chest out of its hole, I heard a knock on the door. I sprint my way and opened it as fast as I could before they could do it themselves.

"Yelena, your carriage is here to go to the market," the maid said.

"Give me a few minutes, tell him we will be running late today". On that note the maid nodded and left without another word. I closed my door shut, locked it, and ran to my chest.

I slowly took the chest into my arms and rotated so I could blow off the dust from the lid. The box was black in colour with a symbol of my sun between the the edge of the lid and the top of the base. 

Black.

A colour she promised Mal never to use again. But its purpose was to remind her of her past, as a warning, of the things it carried. 

Of The Darkling. 

The box she opened every month when she would mourn him. When she needed to remember who she once was. Even when she promised Mal not to remember, she still did. If Mal knew what things it contained, he would never forgive her. And I knew the risk of being discovered with it right now yet I still opened it anyways. 

The first thing I saw was my blue kefta. The one Genya had given to me last winter when she came to visit. 

You'll always be one of us.

The words rang in her ear. I gave myself a small laugh.

Memories of Genya making my hair and dressing me up, floated when I first arrived in The Little Palace played in my mind. She was beautiful, her raven hair melting on her shoulders, with her white and gold kefta, a servants colour. Her face was beautiful like it always had been, until The Darkling had punished her for letting me escape when we were sailing on Stumhond's ship. And the punishment she recieved were a constant reminder to everyone of the ruthlessness she suffered from. One that could never be forgivable.

I couldn't stop myself from wearing it. I looked into my mirror and could see my reflection smiling at me. I missed being the Sun Summoner. I missed being with my friends often. I missed being Alina Starkov and not Yelena. But if that was the sacrifice I had to make to live a quiet life so be it.

I slowly took it off, before I would start running late. But something else caught my eye. 

The amplifiers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. This came out earlier than I expected so I might it take a while for the next chapter to come out....
> 
> Please leave some words of praise, constructive criticism, etc.
> 
> -A


	3. Chapter 3

The amplifiers. 

After I lost my powers, they were gone. Into nothing but ashes. Which I collected with the help of Zoya to make sure they would never get in the wrong hands. Even when they were in ashes, they still held their power. I could see her hands, her body, craving for the power, as she collected them for me. 

She said it belonged to me if I had my powers or not. If I could feel them or not. Even if I was no longer Grisha. They were once mine and always would be mine. The imprisonment I felt was gone but here they were as a constant mnemonic thing of what I felt before. I stored them in two small black containers, one marked with The Darkling's eclipse, for the remains of the morovoa's stag, and one with a symbol of the sea serpent, Rusalye. The prince that would take beautiful women into the sea where they would meet their end. Then sob over and find others. I could remember his golden scales and his frightening face, one of the many nightmares I used to live.

Every month as I opened my dark chest, the amplifiers were _one_ of the main constant reminders of my past life and of The Darkling. Beneath the containers, I would keep something that would hurt Mal. Hurt him as much as it hurt me, maybe more of the promise I had broken. 

My black kefta. 

Embroidered with gold, and black. What I would wear when I remembered him. I had already taken my monthly embarrassment of his remembrance, but here I was. Remembering him yet again.

When Mal asked me to burn it, I didn't, but made him think I did. Instead I replaced it with something that looked similar to it. I envied that part of myself. And for months I had kept it here, safe from sight. This is what I would wear when I cried for him. But that was not the worst of them all.

It was another container, longer than the ones that contained the remains of the amplifier. It had a name written on it. Carved a common name, of a former innocent boy.

It was not the name Mal knew of, but what it contained was even worse than ever. Something that would truly kill Mal. No matter what he said about loving every part of me, everything about me, even the fact that I once loved The Darkling, if I was now Mal's whole. 

No. He would not even look at me if he knew what was inside.

_The remains of Aleksander._

And that is when I could hear chaos erupting in my ears, when I could tell it was then everything went to hell.

***

We were under attack. But how? 

Keramzin was safe, or at least I thought it would be as Nikolai had unexpectedly sent more soldiers of the First Army, which I thought were just as a precaution. Looks like the Shu's were not agreeing to the terms they had set, and had started the border wars once more. But how could they get so far without a word to come by to tell us. 

Why hadn't her friends warned her? 

I could hear the doors slamming open downstairs and children screaming. I could hear their cries. Before I made my way out, I took a knife that I placed below my bed to protect myself of what had haunted me and then unlocked the door. I saw blood everywhere. Of the teachers, of the caretakers, but none of the children's. I thanked the saints for that. 

I slowly gazed around the house, looking for any sign of life. But now everything was quite, there was no sound, just pindrop silence. I carefully rushed my way downstairs where I could see the children held hostage in the dining room. Had time flown that fast that it was already time for lunch?

She saw them all tied up to each other, like a bundle of sticks ready to be sold in the market. Their eyes were full of tears, there mouths were covered with cloth and I could hear them whimpering. I scanned the bodies that were left like waste to look for Mal. I couldn't find him, nor the children that were in his group. At least some of them were safe so they could get help. Before I could do anything more, I felt a figure coming from the shadows behind me. My reflexes were tardy and I stood their helplessly as a hand smashed my mouth with a cloth.

My head was now spinning, and everything was slowly getting blurry.

Chloroform, that was what it was.

Before I was lost, I saw that his face was covered except for his golden yellow eyes and black hair. I didn't know him, but I could tell enough he was Shu. And that was when I was swallowed into my subconscious helpless. 

***

Days or weeks past, I couldn't tell the difference. I was heavily sedated though I did get to hear a small snippet of a conversation once.

"We left a note, for that so called nephew of the duke. If everything goes as planned, we will get our money and the grisha we need to test on," I heard a deep voice of a man say.

"What of the girl? Why keep her alive and kill the rest of them?" another man said. His voice was younger that the other man's, maybe 20 or 25. 

"There is something strange about her that I cannot put my finger on. They say she is the wife of the duke's nephew which makes us with the upper hand. Stupid kids. They think love is everything and will do anything for their safety".

Mal. 

I didn't even think about him as I was here. How he was, I didn't know. What he would do, I didn't know. The men seemed to give me barely any information as they continued talking. I was impressed that they could keep their mouths shut even if they didn't know that I was absorbing their small talk into my memories. On that note, they both laughed. I could see no children in the place I was kept, but I could tell we were on the road. How I knew, I didn't know. 

And that was when the sedations took me in again, with no dreams.

***

The next time I woke up, I was not sedated. I had stopped moving and I could sense everything else around me. There was nothing I would smell or hear, but could see a small lamp that held a small shred of hope, in the void of pain. If I was in a carriage for penal transportation I could not see where I was. This was not like any carriage or a coach as it did not have any interior comfort nor any windows. I started glazing my hands around the edges of the cart I was in, feeling for a door. 

Before I could do more, something opened itself. And the same man that had knocked me out was staring there. His gold eyes shimmered in the sun. 

"Looks like you're up," he said plainly, with no sense of emotion.

He was not one of those two men that had their conversations here earlier. He wore a black piece of cloth that covered his face only to see his same black hair and yellow eyes, but also to see the diagonal scar that slept beside his right eyebrow, which I had not noticed before. 

"Let's get you out," he casually said.

"Where am I?" I asked. It took all my energy just to say those three words and how it came out was totally hoarsley. 

"That I cannot tell, as much of a gentleman I am. Take these and their is a lake nearby. Clean yourself . Try to escape and the lives of these children will be on your hands. Have I made myself clear?"

I nodded and without another word I made my way out of the cart. He handed me a pair of black trousers, and a loose t-shirt that no doubt belonged to a man probably twice the size of me. Still like before, I was extremely thin, and had no flesh whatsoever. But I was no longer the girl that would flush or blush at some stupid words, after everything that had occured. 

It was then only that I could tell I required a bath. I was shit from top to bottom and would've puke in that very moment if I didn't have anything in my stomach. Speaking of which my stomach kicked in. Like everything wasn't already that bad. Hunger was screaming from within, shouting and craving for its feast. 

I didn't feel any pain, apart from the cramps in my legs from all the sitting, he was right, as much as a 'gentleman' he called himself I did not I one scratch on myself. They did treat me with respect.

As I got out, everything came in view. I was on a stoned path, with long, narrow, green trees, on either side of me. Rocky mountains in front of me, with the snow of the winter melted. Where I stood was surrounded with the beautiful of nature, flowers and berry bushes on the abandoned path. I could see the Ravkan flag few miles away and then I knew we were getting out of Ravka, with the southern border only a few miles away. I didn't know where I was exactly, but I knew I was nowhere close to Keramzin.

But I stopped breathing when I saw all the children. They were sitting on the edges of the path, eating on a small plate, all getting an equal amounts of the food provided. Like me they were wearing whatever they had worn the day we were taken. And unlike me, they did not stink. I probably put up a fight to end up this stinky, but I couldn't remember if I did.

I ran before I could think twice. Not away from the kidnappers, but towards the children. Tears were streaming down my face. But why were they here? With me? 

As I started hugging each one of them, a strong hand that felt somehow familiar took a grip of me. I saw the same man with the golden eyes, his scar still sleeping.

"The lake is that way," he pointed towards the bushes on the left side. "Clean yourself and then we will give you some food."

I obeyed. I walked off the stoned path and pushed the bushes on either side, revealing a lake. He left me their with respect and I didn't think about escaping with the lives that would be ended on my actions. 

I went into the lake and removed my clothes, but I could see the man still standing there but his back was turned. I slowly dipped my feet into the water. It was surprisingly warm and then I sunk in without thinking twice. I scrubbed myself off with the water and once I was done I took my old clothes and cleaned them and wore the new ones he provided. Then I slowly made my way back with my new kidnaper. He did not say a word to me on my way back, and his body seemed to be quite tense. It proved that he was not a social person, and being around me was not comfortable. Either way he kept his word and gave me some food. 

I quickly stuffed my face in impressive speed before realising I was drugged once more. I lasted long enough to see the man carry me into my cart, now cleaned like me, and the other men escorting the children back on their separate prison carts.

And then I was gone again once more.

The next time I woke up, I was not in a prison cart but somewhere else. I knew I had been out for days but I didn't know where I was. When my eyes finally came together and I saw myself in a room. It was not immensely decorated, just a bed that I was on, some windows, a desk and a chair. I slowly got up when someone came in knocking in. Before I could answer they just came right in.

"Look you're up. The Empress would like to see you now," the man with the golden eyes said, with his face surprised. He was no longer wearing the black scarf that covered his head and wearing a Shu's lieutenant uniform. As I saw his whole face for the first time, he was no older that a few years from me. He had dark eye bags, like I once did, his sun tanned skin with a razor sharp smile. 

I had to choose my next words carefully, so instead of asking how I had gotten here, or why I was meeting the empress, instead I asked something useless. But it could get me somewhere.

"What's your name?"

"I cannot say my true name but call me Pietre, we will be seeing each other very often."

_Friend._ I knew enough Shu to know what that meant. But why choose that out of all the things he could've said? And on that note, I was now being escorted to the throne room, to meet their queen. My heart was beating so fast I wouldn't doubt it coming out for everyone to see. But those were not the thoughts that ran in my head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my dear readers,
> 
> I am sorry that The Darkling is not a big part of the story (yet), but just wait there and you will see. Let me know what you think of this twist!
> 
> As usual, comment on what you think and share some feedback!
> 
> See ya in 2 days!
> 
> -A


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nikolai's POV

I was having lunch when word had arrived of what happened in Keramzin. 

Alina. 

How could I be so foolish to know that she would get my letters for warnings safely. Because of my stupid mistake she was getting hurt. She would be out there somewhere hoping someone would help her but find no one.

And the children. Both innocents and Grisha that had chosen to stay. Some as young as 4 or 5, just gone. When I had received word I held a meeting with my closets advisors immediately not to get the word out public.

If they found out who she was, they would use it many ways to their advantage and probably kill her in the process.

As of right now we were talking strategies to handle things. They had already taken one of the _once_ powerful grishas alive. Only me and some unboundedly trustworthy grishas knew of her life, but if word got out about her somehow...No I could not think what would happen. 

"Nikolai, the best way to handle this is calmly and negotiate. If we overreact they will sooner or later find out what she is worth to us and use that as leverage and blackmail. So let's wait for Mal to arrive Os Alta by tomorrow and we will see what they have left."

Zoya, the only person that held her confidence and emotions at check while the rest of us were confused and couldn't think clearly. For once, I was glad to have her in my court, however she was.

"You are right Zoya."

There were so many things I wanted to say to Alina, so many things I wished to tell her. I cursed myself for not making any time to visit her and let my duties take me. I loved Ravka above all, but I also loved Alina, if she was with Mal or not, I always would care for her. 

"I think that is the most sensible thing we can do as of now. I will send some scouts to make sure Mal comes here safely. But what of the sun summoners?" Genya said. She had been so quiet during this whole thing I almost forgot she was there.

"We will use them as a form of defence when need. Right now it looks like they want something so why hold them for hostage. But until then check for the activity near the southern borders. They probably want to leave the country. Make sure they don't."

And with that I left with another word. I didn't know what to do. I knew they were attacks happening, but I didn't do much. I thought they would just go away just like everything else. I heard rumors about the southern border becoming weak and sent more soldiers but they didn't seem to be much. What had I done? And now because of this Alina had caughten herself in this mess. When all she wanted was people to be safe, and for there to be peace so she could live a quiet life. And look what I did. If anything happened to her I could not forgive myself for the rest of my life. 

What the Shu's just did was their first act of war. And I would reply, not too soon, but I would reply.

***

Someone stormed through the front doors while I sat there on my throne thinking about Alina.

I slowly raised myself off my throne as I looked at Mal. Standing in front of me, extremely angry.

"How great to see you Mal. Though I would prefer in better circumstances."

"Cut the crap Nikolai this is not funny and no time to make jokes. Peoples lives at risk including children," he replied back. But his voice was full of anger, hinting stress and tire. 

As calm as I looked I could barely sleep at night. I couldn't eat or think straight once word had arrived. People would think I was love sick or something. But the constant thought of Alina and the children never left my head. I was sitting here helpless for days. _Den iz istoriya_ was in a few days but that was the last thought on my mind. It could be postponed or not happen at all if there was war.

"What is it they left you?"

"They said I was left not as a show of mercy but as a message. They killed all the adults and took all the children, apart from the ones I had with me. They took one of the teachers, Yelena, and also left a list of demands. If we don't follow or attack they will meet their ends." This time he was calmer.

I knew that Alina's identity had to be hidden but why Saints, Yelena out of all the names. We were alone in the throne room but we could never know when their were ears listening. It was smart for him to control his emotions especially here. On that note he gave me a piece of paper. Genya and Zoya had cleared the court out of the room so we could discuss this in private.

I scanned over the note.

_"The dukes so called nephew, Give this to your bastard king._

_We kept one to tell the tale. And he can tell you the way we killed was not merciful. Give us the southern part of Ravka, your gold, and let us keep your grisha children and all will be safe, including the scrawny lover. The non-grisha children will be safely returned with or without the girl, which is her choice. They will be fed and taken care off, and we will not hurt them if not necessary._

_But don't be a fool thinking we will not hurt them if you play a game. You have till your day to reply. Everyday you don't, one child will be touched or killed in front of the girl to tell you. Once we run out of bodies we will torture and heal the girl every day over and over and send you her body once she cant take it. An_ _d once we lose our patience, we will attack once more and no one will be left alive.  
_

_But we promise this is not the only death that will come. It will be on your hands, if you don't react by your day."_

I could not believe what I saw. While I kept reading over and over again, Mal was filling in the others about what happened.

"I just when out to the woods with the group of children and then before we knew as we came back they were all gone. And I was left with a note of the gate."

This was not acceptable. In anyway. How could they expect this, like we would just give it to them. All this called was for war, bigger and worse than everything else, and they knew this.

"What should we do Nikolai?"

For once I did not know. This was so unexpected. Asking for peace on these terms would be a fool's mistake.

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know! These are lives of children we are talking about. They can be as young as 4. And you just want them to....This is A-"

At that moment I cut Mal off before he could say her name and regret living.

"What do you propose we do?" I asked.

"Give them what they want. The gold the land. Give them anything. That's what she would say. It's better than going to war,"

"You fool--", to my surprise it was exactly what I was about to say, but it did not come out of my mouth, instead it was Zoya's. "You think we would let children, _children,_ die like that. They may be grisha and it does not mean we are different from you. They are Ravkans just like you. I don't know what she saw in you, but she would rather die a million times, that see that happen. Looks like you are not in the right state of mind and should get rest."

It was quite impossible for Mal to shut up, but truly it was improbable. With that she waved her hands and her winds kicked Mal out of the throne room. 

I was...surprised when that happened.

I didn't expect her to do that. 

She was the person that took all of this effectively but I knew the angry needed to be exposed. It was pressed down again and again, and I could see the relief she felt when she took it out. She then snapped her fingers and called the guards as if she was the Queen. 

"Take him to the guest quarters. See that he is cleaned and if he talks once more or comes near here without our consult knock him out." There was nothing kind in her voice.

The guards looked at me for approval, and I nodded. They then dragged out a rebelling Mal that was cursing and slammed the door shut behind them.

"Was that really necessary Zoya? A bit dramatic don't you think, even for me." I plainly replied to her demonstration.

"You can't say he didn't deserve it," it was Genya that spoke this time. 

"I agree. As much of our friend he is, he was a jerk," and that was when David spoke. It felt like he was invisible and for a fact he never did give his views in these kind of things.

"Yeah your right. Honestly I don't know what Alina would do, but you did take my chance of ragging at him Zoya, and for that you will be punished. But I don't have time for that as you can see, as I have my hands already filled with Mal. Just stay on your best behavior," I winked at her.

With that everybody laughed, but it slowly died once I had more to say. 

"We have till _Den iz istoriya,_ to decide what to do before they start testing on them. _"_ I said in my serious voice. "I suggest we use the next few days wisely. _Oriel_ gets the rest he needs and then we will talk ways to negotiate, but we know it will not come easy or at all. But war will be the last choice. Until then, Genya get a cover story for why _Oriel_ is here."

Oriel. Was that the best I could come up with?

Everybody nodded and then consciously left. I was alone now, only thinking what I could do to make sure nobody got hurt. But I knew that was impossible.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo Lads!
> 
> As usual let me know what u think! I am sorry if this feels a bit cliche. I am sorry but Mr. Darkles will not be here for a while. Just sit there believe me it's worth the wait.
> 
> Cheers!
> 
> -A


	5. Chapter 5

"Yelena is it they call you?" the queen asked.

I was in a plain room, furnished with a throne that was the only ornamentation in the furniture of armor. 

"Yes, it is what they call me," I replied. Man did I have some nerve to talk to people, especially a foreign queen that held my life in her grasp. But I quickly added "Your Majesty."

On that she gave a smile. The queen was...young. But powerful and she expressed that very clearly to everyone in the room. Her green eyes, unlike the rest of the Shu sparkled with spring. Her hair was dark brown and melted on her shoulders of her dress. She wore a red, orange and blue coloured robe with a huge gold pendant resting on her chest. All I could say that she was beautiful.

I was guarded by Pietre and the men that gave me a snippet of information when I was taken. So far I knew the children and I were here as hostages, but for what I wondered. They did say about gold and...

No.

I _must_ have misheard it when they said Grisha.

How could they possibly take them, and use them? They were just children. My thoughts were interrupted when she spoke again. All this time I was quiet, she studied me as if I had many secrets to hide. And I did.

"So don't you have any questions?"

"Why am I here? How am I here?" I couldn't stop myself from saying those words, and I knew someone would pay for my mistakes like always. 

She frowned. And then looked me up, down and up again. 

"You may look like a stick, but you certainly have a some nerve talking to me like that."

"I am sorry Your Majesty." I looked down, tilting my chin towards my chest, trying not to make eye contact.

"You should be. I will forgive you this time only because it's nice to have a change around here, certainly when they are not many women. But I hold that tongue if I was you. Sometimes it's not _helpful_ always to have a big mouth. But yet I will answer your questions. First get her a chair and some food." She looked at the guards beside me and one of them ran and got a chair for me. The next second the other got me some finger food.

How she could change her personality so fast it had me wondering. Was this the life at court? Thank the Saints, I was no longer the sun summoner and not the queen of Ravka.

"Yelena of Ravka, you were _transported_ to my fort in the mountains, temporary of course. I can't stand this horrible normalness. Tomorrow we will be at my place in Ahmrat Jen. As for _why_ you are here, you are a hostage as are those children. We have given your so called king the time he needs and in a few day he will make his decision. He will either give us what we want or each day passes and each child is killed or torchered. The same will happen to you soon but don't worry it will take a while for that to happen. But other than that, you and the children will all be properly treated as if you are our guests. So if you are having doubts on that food being poisoned it isn't. As much as I love seeing dead, useless Ravkans, right now you are valuable to me. But dont mistake me of being your friend". 

The way she spoke was a knife twisting and turning in my stomach, each word stinging as if I was plucking a rose that attacked me with its endless thorns. I didn't realised I hadn't eaten the little snacks that were provided for me in shock. She gave me a small smirk that told me there was nothing kind in that face. In a few moments after I took in that shock, she told Pietre to escort me back to my chambers. 

After I left the room I let out a sigh. I was shocked, terrified actually but being away from that kind of evil was the best thing happened to me so far.

"Well don't you look relieved."

"Yes I do. You know if you are the gentlemen you suggest I want to see the children." 

"You know I can't do that. Plus I owe you nothing. I don't even know you."

"Well you seem interested don't you. Why else would you ask me calling you _friend_ if you knew I that I knew, that we both knew what it meant."

"You are funny Yelena."

"I know. Just wait you will be crying soon."

And then he laughed, a sarcastic, mocking laugh but either way it was a laugh. I never imagined that someone so serious could laugh. I knew he wasn't comfortable talking to people especially his hostage but I was a work in progress. 

" _Please_ let me see the children," I did not let my pride come over me. I made sure I stretched on the word please so it could be noticed.

"They are safe and taken care of. All getting what they need that is all I can say...for now until you make yourself useful"

"What do you mean useful?" I barked back as a form of defence.

"I would listen what the Queen said to you. Better to keep your mouth shut, it's not always _helpful_ girl. But she didn't say that about your mind. You look smart figure it out"

I started thinking. 

What would she want with me?

Why keep me alive this whole time?

She wants something that's for sure. Information maybe? Help controlling the children? A way to show Nikolai that she controls me. Maybe she wants me to obey her. The possibilities were endless. As soon as I snapped out of my thinking process Pietre was staring at me, studying as if I was an open book. After all this time was I still that easy to read.

"You food is in your room, it's not poisoned if you are wondering. Whatever you eat the children eat."

I opened my door after standing there for hours, and shut it closed into Pietre face as a reply. If he wanted to be a _friend,_ he would have to try harder. I sat on the desk and had the food that was left for me. Later a servant came in with a something covered with a cloth, and in replacement left with my dishes. She left the unknown thing near my small bed. 

I slowly approached to the object or thing, and drifted on each side to get a better view of what it might be. I gently took off the cloth to see what it was. As soon as I did, an envelope that rested on the chest came to view. 

I quickly took the envelope, not paying much attention to the chest. I then cut off the top to see what was written inside.

_"I saw that you left this in your chambers. I thought it would be nice for you to have something you could remember. I would've opened it but it was locked. But nonetheless it is here. Take this as a first form of friendship, My Umnaya Devochka._

_\- Pietre your friend "_

_Umnaya Devochka_ _._

Smart girl. Really that's the best he could come up with for my new nickname? Why not call me Yelena, I was already used to it. 

My thoughts were interrupted when I looked at the black box that was pulsing as if it had its own heart. It was the box I left at Karmazin. The box of memories. The box of my old life. If they knew what was inside, I would be tested right now of my abilities and would be their new lab rat. I just hoped Nikolai could save me and the children before it came to that. 

But my thoughts changed. What did he mean that he could not open it? It never had a lock. I then myself then tried to open the box and it did perfectly. Everything that used to be there was there. Even the blue kefta that I wore. I was pretty sure I did not keep it back once I changed out of it. And that was when I realised the black container with a name was no longer closed. 

And then darkness swallowed me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my dear fellow readers,
> 
> It's great to have you back! What do you think? Like it so far? Improvements? I think you noticed that this chapter is not as long as others. And for that I am dearly sorry.
> 
> Comminute with me in the comments and let me know what you think!
> 
> Peace out!
> 
> -A


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning I was in my bed, changed, bathed and cleaned, snuggling in my blanket. The last thing I could recall was that I saw the chest. I instantly got up, looking for it as I remembered seeing the container of The Dakling's remains open. 

What happened last night? I was wearing old rags and now I was clean? I know that I am far too good for that. So I started looking for the gloomy chest. It had been right in front of my bed and now it was under. 

Weird.

It felt as if it was hidden and not just kept, under my small bed. I took it out and looked for the long black container. It was closed. But how? The last time I saw it, it was open before the darkness swallowed me. 

I must be losing my mind. I quickly looked at a closet and unlocked it hoping to find some extra clothes. How did I get myself in this nightdress? It was long, soft as cotton, but not mine. Some things were feeling unusual and I couldn't remember, maybe I had been sedated again. 

I came back to my black chest again looking through the things to check everything was there and no one stole anything while I was out. The blue and black keftas were there, the containers of the mad man's remains were here...but the amplifiers. Where did they go? Someone must have been here. Their containers were gone and there was no trace of who had taken them.

As timing was perfect for me as always, someone knocked and came in as usual. I shut the chest and shove it under the bed.

Pietre, I should have known. 

Still bright and normal as usual. I must have been truly awake, because if my eyes were right he was wearing the same thing he had yesterday but today he looked..nice?

"Hello my Umnaya Devochka, I see you have just woken up." His eyes then fixed itself on my body. I knew his thoughts had been interrupted when he realized what I was wearing. 

"If you don't mind me asking where did you get such a nightdress. From the chest I gave I assume?"

I looked towards the nightdress again, this time noting the details. It was black, sparkled with white glitter on either sleeves, with a thin lace on its borders. I could see he was as confused as me, but all I could do was reply back, and so I did.

"Firstly, yes I have awoke but sadly not from this living nightmare. And for the nightdress, you tell me?"

He looked puzzled. His disapproving face looked new, but a way to convey the message.

"What is there to tell?"

"What you are saying that this is not Shu?" I replied with all my confidence, but my voice still sounded small. I looked down to my night dress. "That this was not given to me?" Now I was starting to freak out.

"As a fact no, we do not have much living stock in the fort so we provided no such thing. As a fact that is not even Shu."

"What?" I said. 

Before I could get a reply another knock came in. Wasn't my life just great.

"Come in," he said.

"Who told you to do that," I replied. In that moment I forgot that I was a hostage. And I could tell he didn't as his face hardened.

"Well I am the one that controls how you are treated so I think I can do this," he voice bitter. There was no sign of Pietre in there.

I groaned and stepped into bed, trying my best to hide what I actually felt. I shoved the chest a bit more, so it would not gaining much attention and so he wouldn't ask about it. The servant came in with some breakfast and a pair of new used clothes, not nightdress.

"Let me guess more drugged food perhaps?" Doing my best to change the topic

"What led you to such conclusion?" His voice still bitter, but his face a bit calmer.

"Well I blacked out and can't really remember anything. The only thing I actually am sure of is having dinner and then I was gone. I don't even know how I got changed and washed."

"There is no bathing room here you know that right?"

"What?" I bellowed, my voice a bit louder than I expected.

"You must have had a really long right. But we did not drug your food, what's the point?"

"If you think I am going crazy I am not."

"You just proved my point, you were tired and you are going crazy because of that. That is a good enough reason for me not to have you butchered at this moment for the way you just talked to me.

I didnt even think of that. That was so unlike me. What was going on. I would never talk the way I just did to anyone. Especially not to the people that could kill people with just a word.

"I am sorry I don't know what came over me. It's not like me to be like this"

"Fine, eat and change. There are some things I need you to attend to."

"Am I that pleasant to be around? Am I your new escort?

"You are doing it again. So many questions. And no, it is something the queen asked me to do."

I grumbled, and got up from the small bed and changed. Then ate, because I was hungry from the mysterious night I cannot remember off. 

And then I walked out of the room where Pietre was waiting for me. He unexpectedly spoke as he guided me towards an unfamiliar path.

"One thing before we go," he caught my wrist, "first keep that mouth shut, and second address me as your Your Highness."

"Why Your Highness?"

"Because that is who I am"

So all those threats made sense now. This whole time, Pietre was a prince? Not a general or lieutenant?

"You know those are two things you told me," I said mockingly, my aim trying to get on his nerves.

And instead of a reply, he ignored me. And that was the last time we talked.

***

After what felt like hours I finally arrived back into the provided room. I wasn't sure if I should get comfortable calling it my room as today I was proved it wasn't.

It had been a long day and my body started to scream when I saw a plate of food left on the desk. 

Dinner. 

Yes.

I quickly took it and ate as fast as I could ignoring the pain the shattered my bones. After the war with The Darkling, and when I lost my powers, I had since then took my time with food as I didn't have to run anymore, but being kidnapped by not just Shu, but a royal Shu effected that. He might be a prince but he had no chance with the throne no wonder the Queen sent him to fetch me.

While Pietre took me into a large room in the morning, my gaze was fixed when I saw the children lined up. I first looked at him for his approval and as he nodded, I slowly walked towards the children and checked to make sure they weren't hurt and doing okay. He was right, he did not hurt anybody, at least not yet.

To sum it up, the day went unexpected, but I was useful that I could say. I felt that the Shu Han's definition of guest varied from Ravka's because the children and I had to clean the whole off the top floor including the throne room, polish rusty armor, and scrub the never clean bathrooms. I did as I was told and kept my mouth shut just for the children sake. Pietre never threatened to whip them in front of me, but I think he would if necessary. After all, I have seen it first hand what it is like to have a crown on your head and what actions you must take for it. But they did mention as we were about to finish that this was just a test to see if we would listen, therefore being the first and last time we did this.

By they I meant Pietre. Or as he preferred it in public, His Highness.

I wouldn't bow to him when we were alone, but I should start thinking of doing so if we were to stay alive as long as possible.

Speaking of which, during my chores he did not speak to me once.

I was tired so every movement I made from there on forth was as slow as a sloth. But little did I know there was more. Nothing of labor work thank the Saints.

And that was when Pietre approached to me after starring at us doing all the work from his tiny corner.

"I expected more of a fight you know," he said but he didn't meet my eyes as he took me to another path.

"I am sorry to disappoint you Your Highness," I shot back with my voice low though but stinging. If it effected him, he didn't show.

"Not to worry, you can make up for it later, now I need you for something else." He then slowly opened a door which I forgot to notice as he spoke.

Did he have any idea who he was talking to? If I had my powers right now I wouldn't think twice in using The Cut, and slicing him in half on how much he irritated me. 

No. 

I wouldn't do that.

That's what he would do.

What The Darkling would do.

The room I entered was filled with scholars that I did not expect to see in a fort. Walls littered with papers about physics and math and the Grisha. Formulas, and equations on The Grisha littered the floors and tables. And then I knew why I was here. To answer questions about the Grisha. At first I rejected all those questions, then I thought, let them trust me and I could use that to my advantage, so then I replied those question. But I made sure not to give to much away but only a bit. 

What was I doing?

Using people to my advantage? It's not like me.

Now there was something seriously wrong.

And that when I snapped back into the room, the door shut by itself and I saw something reeking in the shadows behind me.

Or someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well Ladies and Gentlemen,
> 
> I am back, and today is the first day back at school...yuppie!
> 
> Anyways sorry for taking some time in updating this, as I just had too much going on. Anyways, I am most likely to post the next chapter in a few days so hold on tight.
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments so far. It really helps me to know what I can do to improve.
> 
> Smile and Treat people with kindness!
> 
> -A


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nikolai's POV

It was now dawn and still the place was quite. The servants were up, I was up, but the rest of the palace was asleep. I felt as if that my stress had taken me even when I tried to hide it. Tomorrow would be _Den iz istoriya_ , where I would have to give my reply. As the current King of Ravka, no decision would be hard as this one. Either submit to the Shu's or wedge a war; them with the upper hand. Would they really toucher and kill children if I didn't reply by tomorrow?

I doubt it, they would only hurt the otkazat'sya , a word that I never knew I would say, if they truly sure they weren't Grisha. It would be too much of a risk to hurt the ones that have not even shown any trace of power and not any trained Grisha's there that can identify it. Maybe it was a way to threaten us, to show they had more power than us. But they would so called torcher them _if_ I didn't reply by tomorrow.

For the past few days, I thought about giving only 1/3 of what they asked and that was the gold. But then I thought if I did give them anything it would make us look weak. If I gave them the land, then they would forever have more power than us and use the weakness of my people against me. And it didn't seem right to make my people leave their homes because of this. But this was Alina, I couldn't just leave her to die with innocent children.

So the only thing I could do was ask for time, and use it to quietly and plan a way to save Alina and the children. It was back being to my irresponsible Sturmhond days, but I would need to be discreet. We were meant to have a month or at least a week, of time to make our decision but as Mal's journey was delayed, and word came late we didn't have much time left. Alina would probably be in a secure location by now with the children. If my advisors were right they would be on their way to Ahmart Jen if not there already.

Mal had start becoming less of a problem and more of a situation we had to deal with in every meeting. I wouldn't have even let him in because how difficult he is to handle if he wasn't Alina's husband. As I walked towards the corridors that hung my double eagle crest with royal blue, the day was still dim but it was day. 

I slowly made my way to the redecorated war room in the little place. A place I would go when I needed escaping and avoided attention. The Grisha's like everyone else were asleep. I made my way towards the dinning hall and into The Darkling's former wing. I had it redecorated as soon as possible. There would be no stain of black that would every touch these wall again. Now all they carried was the same banners that I hung up proudly, with symbol of the first and second army. As I looked around the room it was messy as always and the papers slept themselves on the floors. There was one big map of where everything was in Ravka and a map beside it with routes we would take. I slowly took it in my hands recalling everything we had discussed yesterday. Yesterday we concluded, with Mal's unfortunate presence, that today we would reply and ask for more time. If they didn't approve we would spare some gold on it. After all I was just very rich and everyone could be bought at the right price. With that I heard a knock on the door.

It was Tamar, in her captain's uniform. She knew everything as she was the very person that would guard our meetings, as she was the only one with her brother that could be trusted. Never had they ever betrayed me and never they would. But as of now, she should've been guarding Mal's door so he could not pull up a stunt. A few days ago he did something that almost cost his head if the court found out. He would always stay up all night drinking kvas and wake up the next day in the stables. But in the middle of the night either Tamar or Tolya would find him and put him back in his room and prevent him from escaping once more. What she saw in him I did not know. I thought Mal would have the pride on saving Alina himself but we all knew how that would turn out. 

"Your Majesty," she started, "is everything alright?"

"Yes, how is Mal?" I replied back, my focus still on the map.

"He is asleep but it looks like he ended things quickly last night and we did not have to go looking for him." It was then I turned my gaze towards Tamar. I was surprised you could say, but not in a good way. Not anything Mal did made sense to me, but this one certainly did and I could tell.

"What do you mean?" I said with a more strong and persuasive tone that I would only use when threatening people.

"He never went to the stables last night, he was in his bed, but he did have a bit of his normal drinking, but nothing compared to what he previously had." Then she paused for a minute thinking about how to phrase the next part. "I think he wants to come on the mission if I wouldn't doubt his intentions."

I released the papers onto the big table. The last thing I would need is for Mal to come. He had been acting like an irresponsible jerk his whole time here and the only thing he contributed was to give the Shu's everything, and of course his insults.

"Tell him he will come. Only because I don't want my kingdom in ruins. We will do want needs to be done if he does not help. But make sure Tamar, in our reply to the Shu Han messenger, make it clear I am not playing a game, and will not attack during the given time. This is far too serious of a matter to start a war with Ravka."

"What do you mean we will _not_ attack during the given time?"

The corner of my lips made itself to a smile. 

"We ask for a month we should have, and we will take the longest route to Ahmart Jen not to gain attention. I will get some of my Kerch tradesmen, who are effective and can be bought to provide some help, _if_ needed. As I said not attack during the given time, _however_ we will surprise them right after it. We can discuss this later, tell Toyla he will be incharge of the palace while I am gone. And I need someone to tailor my face, sent Genya into my rooms tonight. We will leave on the blink of morning tomorrow, make sure everything is ready." 

I handed her a list of things we needed and she took it and nodded her way out. I was alone once more. The sun had finally started to shine the sky, spring warming to my heart. Tomorrow was a day for the people, one I wouldn't be there to celebrate. One that would be a beginning to new deaths I didn't know of yet. It was better for the country to celebrate and mourn together than be divided and I would not rob them of that. 

I slowly gazed the gardens as I made my way out of the little palace. It was simply beautiful, Alina would've loved it if she was here. Her heart was always in the right place and this is what she would do. 

That made me remember her as much as I tried to forget her.

What would Alina be doing now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi..again,
> 
> Sorry to cut this chapter short, but I promise you the next one will be longer and would be the best one so far. As usual let me know what you think!
> 
> -A


	8. Chapter 8

As I slowly turned towards what rose in the shadows, I saw nothing. However, my chest came into view as a replacement. It was closed but the container of The Darkling's reminders stood right next to it. I first thought someone might've finally figured it out the secret that I tried to keep hidden. So then I took the container in my hand and opened the chest. Everything else was there, apart from the container's of the amplifiers like this morning. I tried not to raise suspicion nor dared to ask so I ignored it. My eyes might've played a trick if there was nothing in the container. I must've have done a few tweaks in the mists of last night.

Last night felt so real but I couldn't remember it. It felt like I had seen it somewhere before but couldn't seem to put my finger on it. I just hoped I didn't do anything I would regret.

As I looked below my keftas I could see why I couldn't find the containers anymore. There were no longer there, and an unimaginable substitute was placed right before my eyes. There were a pair of pale ivory antlers of the Morozova's stag, no longer in a necklace as if it had never been in. Next to it causally sat 7 golden scales of a legendary sea dragon, like the antlers not formed into a bracelet.

How was this possible?

Once an amplifier is destroyed it can never be made. Even with the Shu's experimentation on Grisha powers it was beyond impossible. But was this the reason why they had wanted more Grisha? Especially children? Were they a key to their experiment? Had they done this?

A small clock that lay on a desk struck to 12. Was it midnight already? Den iz Stoylia already?

No. Not without Mal it couldn't be.

A year that came from today could not be without him.

No longer was my focus on him though. I felt a presence of a someone behind like I felt earlier. This time I didn't need to turn. I could tell something from my nightmares finally came true. Something I kept wishing not to happen. Something that might be happening. But it could be my imagination, couldn't it?

I could not think of that person, not today where I would celebrate the peace. But it was too late, I already did and it came to life before me.

I still didn't turn. He couldn't be real and never could he be again. I was just imagining this.

"How long are you going to sit there, staring at that chest before you look at me?"

I wouldn't look at him, I couldn't. His voice did sound very real as if he was really there but I knew too well he couldn't be.

"I missed you, you know."

Words I never knew he would say. Playing the nice, innocent guy, wasn't in him and he proudly admitted it by the tone behind his words.

"Fine. Don't talk. Look at me at least. You owe that not to me but yourself"

By mourning him I did owe it to myself. And I turned while I resisted.

He face was not fully clear and shadows overlapped him over and over again. But I could make out his quartz gray eyes, and small smile that lifted his lips. He looked exactly as the last time I had seen him, but less drained from power. If that made sense, he changed. Positively if that was possible.

"What do you want me to say?" I said quietly, I wasn't even sure he heard it. But he did, even when I did not meet his eyes. His shadow figure moved to me and his finger slowly titled my chin towards him so I would meet his gaze. And I did. A brush of air touched my skin and at that moment I was vulnerable and would said yes to anything to make him go away. It was bad to know he could read me again and I could tell he knew that as a light smirk came to his face.

But he was not real nor alive. That was the best thing that had happened.

"Say you missed me. Say that, and mean it."

Without Mal, without Nikolai, without Genya, and the rest of my friends, he could control every part of me, but no longer would I let him. I had to be something I didn't want to be.

" _Alexsander,"_ I started. I knew how much power that word held over him. I expected some form of a reaction, but couldn't see none. I did not continue to say what he had expected instead something else.

"I have no powers. I am no longer the sun summoner. No longer will I live for eternity. No longer can I be yours, therefore serve no purpose to you. I am just now one of those otkazat'sya you despise and my life is worthless like everything else in this room. So leave me alone."

And then I turned my back and walked away from him,

Saying those words surprised me as I felt regret and pain, making me miss my past life once more. Think about Mal, I told myself. Waking up every morning with him. Seeing my friends every once in a while. Watching Nikolai rebuild Ravka into something better. Those were the reasons I loved my peaceful, quiet life, away from the horrors. But I could not focus on those thoughts as he stared at me.

"You are not worthless Alina. You will always mean something to me with your powers or not."

I stopped and stared at the wall. Did he change as I felt _some_ honestly in that?

" _You can make me a better man,_ " he continued.

The power hungry maniac I knew would never say that. He wanted me for my power. Wanted me so _he_ could not be alone. Maybe he thought I could be manipulated, that I actually felt for him. And I did, but never would I forget who he once was.

"How are you here?" I said. I did not think twice about the burning question. He was here and I could sense that but not fully. Even a fraction of him standing before me was terrifying. 

Remember Alina he is not real, I told myself. 

"I am not here physically and you can see. At least _not yet_." I sensed him getting closer towards me. I still didn't look back. And without letting another second pass he was infront of me.

And with a shock, he kissed me. That was not like him to do that. Maybe he did really miss me. Who was I to think he did that? He never exposed his emotions.

My thoughts melted as I felt violent air on my lips. I felt the same lust I once did at The Little Palace.

This was my mind playing tricks on me. But it was my mind and I could do whatever I wanted. So I let the lust take over me. It was the most unexpected, amazing and horrible thing happening at the same time. He kept kissing me, but I didn't to kiss him back. I wished it was Mal.

His charming smile walked to my life like gold. I wanted him, I needed Mal.

I felt the guilt come over me, even if this was my imagination. I betrayed Mal. Maybe more that redemption.

But all that mourning was there for a reason, and I thought this was the way to end it. I finally kissed Aleksander back without thinking twice. It was not likely for me to do that, but I still did. And then he kissed me harder the next time. I replied in unison.

What was wrong with me? His airy lips then felt more real towards mine as every second passed. It was not meant to if it wasn't real.

When I finally got lost, I came back to reality when I felt something was lightening on my ring finger. I ignored it as I thought it was the air or the shadows that had welcomed itself into my mind and I threw my hands. But now something cold, slid on where Mal ring should've been. 

I noticed it. I noticed it in the lust I didn't want to crave for. It broke my concentration and I started to break myself from him and forget about him as I usually did.

But he pushed his very real torso, which should've felt like air, as his finger searched on me. Why was he not going away?

This was _my_ mind why couldn't I control what he did to me?

And then violently, he pushed me against the wall. I rejected in kissing him back, even moved my head to stop him from doing that but he started kissing my neck and made his way back to my lips. The cold object was almost to the end of my ring finger and then anger built up and would no longer I be helpless as he hurt me.

What did he mean when he said _not yet_? Had I been so distracted not to think that?

I took my free hand and slapped him in the face.

I knew _that_ was real. There was a pause for a moment as I waited for his imaginary reaction, but he slipped the ring in fully. And _then_ did he pulled away. But that was not the end of my misery.

"You have not changed. Guilt but satisfaction. You finally spoke the truth." As he spoke there was nothing kind in his voice. It broke me into as if I was a mirror into a million shattered pieces of hate. But it wasn't hate that I felt. It was regret and confusion.

I listened to what he said and calculatedly turned my face when I saw what rested on my ring finger. A cold, thin strip of silver with unfamiliar symbols carved into it, inked with black. None of which I had ever seen before.

I suddenly became dizzy and my mind swarmed with memories which contained the filmiliar symbols. I tried to hold something so I would not fall on the ground. But he took a grip of me.

"What have you done?" I weakly said.

"I should be asking you this. You just cheated on your husband."

This was not a time for guilt. I wanted to slap him again, and as I tried to, this time he caught my hand with his tight grip as I was weak. He then pulled my arm with my body to his hard muscular chest. He took his free hand and held my lower back in place as his lips slowly just to brush on my ear. He felt so real. He was real now. No longer was this my mind playing tricks.

How?

"I am bound to you as you are to me, this time I made sure of it. I just had to keep you distracted enough for that to happen. Now I am alive as much as you are, maybe even more. You were always mine."

Then he showed me his identical ring that reseted on his finger too. I wanted to kill him, but was too weak to move.

What did he mean that I was bound to him? Could I take this thing off of me? As he knew everything I thought he answered that question.

"It won't come off Alina,"he said with a small chuckle.

I realized he still held me in his grip, and rather violently I took my hand out of it instantly. My head was still spinning but I was disgusted either way. He had used me again just to fulfill his crave for power.

"I will then just cut my finger off!" I ranted back. He was no longer the innocent boy I cried for when I thought I killed him.

"Don't be foolish. Cutting your finger won't do any good it has already started grow inside of you," he casually replied back in his calm voice.

Was there even a stronger power than him? Was it which he had used on me? By this ring? I wanted to ask more but then I would be dependent. Whatever the thing that was growing inside of me weaken me and gave me strength at the same time.

"I will kill myself than live the rest of my life being the reason of your life," I shot back. If this bond was true, then he was dependent on _me_ and _my_ life. I gripped that thing that gave me strength and started scanning the room then for sharp objects as there were barely any window nor any balconies to end it quick.

"Now what good would that do? Why do you think I would bound my life to yours if you were just to die?"

"To buy time, I don't know. You tell me?"

"No Alina. _You_ tell _me_ why have you called?

"What!?" I was furious that he thought that.

"You called I answered", his perfection of no rage in his face still stayed calm. And that burned me up even more.

"I did not call you, and never did!" Then I realized right then and there it was a lie I just told without even recognizing the truth.

"Why do you lie? I was here forced a day every month to come back on this hideous land you believe is better from my death." He replied emotionless, it seemed like he didn't feel anything.

This had a more effect than if he did it with some emotion.

I realized what he was talking about. Could this day get any worse? If he knew, he would use it against me again and again and use it against Mal. If remembering him today gave him more power the whole world was in trouble if he was alive once more.

Mal. What would he think of me when I kissed the man that hurt everyone.

"What was it like?" I spoke. I needed to change the topic. 

He looked down not meeting my gaze. It was the first emotion he exposed himself to since the kiss I was still mad at. If I had to be a monster to beat him so be it. I would be that until it was over and I could go running back to Mal's arms.

"I came here trapped out of my will but then saw you in a corner crying in your black kefta. I was touched you mourned me. That you still cared." He then paused for a moment.

"It led me into curiosity on why I was there. But then I would be forced back into the endless void of nothing after you thew me out of your mind. It was where I would think and figured it out it was you. You are more powerful than you know Alina. Then I learnt something, or somethings." his face snapped back into his calm gesture towards the ring.

"But that is all I can tell you. Know that I am back now, thanks to you. And know that you are the only threat I have...for now. So keep my little secret." With that he showed off his wicked grinned.

The rage of the distraction he orchestrated took over took me once more. He knew and now he would use it just as he did now to make me feel more vulnerable.

"Never will I cooperate. I will fight until I see you in your gave and no regrets this time," I spat.

"I know you won't and that is why you can't remember last night." He then stared at me once more.

So that feeling was real. I froze.

Was this the first time he did this to me? Had it happened before?

"Yes, that was me, and our little rendezvous."

If he could control me, even more of a reason I have to end this quick. But if he had some control, didn't I have some too because of our _bond_?

"When will you learn Alina? _Like calls to like_."

I started to hate that phrase a long time ago. And then suddenly something bright came from me. 

I was lighting myself up. Incinerating would be the better word for it.

It was a combination of rage, anger, guilt, pain, frustration, and my love for Mal. No longer would I hold it in even when I wanted to. I didn't expect it to come but something trigged inside of me. What was happening?

"Have you summoned? Why is it you think I chose you if you were just _useless_?" he said.

"Because I am the only one you have," I told in pain to know he didn't noticed.

The light in me grew more. This time stronger. His face hardened.

"How could you stand this filth, living as a hostage, when you know you could wipe them out in a second? Do they know who were? Or who you _are_?"

He paused.

"When you could come with me and be free."

The pain was killing me bit by bit before I could reply. I let out a scream. 

And then all went wild.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Y'all,
> 
> The moment you have all been waiting for has finally arrived. I am sorry it took a while to write as I got really stressed with school and this just needed to be perfect. And that is why I will be also posting another chapter really soon after this one to make up for it. Hard for me but amazing for you!
> 
> As you noticed this chapter is longest one yet and I hoped you enjoyed it. Please leave any comments on this work as it would help a lot. Constructive criticism especially!
> 
> Peace Out!
> 
> -A


	9. Chapter 9

_The room was chaotic as all the worst things happened at the same time. Alina was killing herself inside out, and it was only later did The Darkling realize he had to do something before it was too late. For he could not believe what he saw. But before he could do more the door then slammed open and he was helpless gone._

_He knew he was already too late. He was gone in the shadows that called him._

***

I fell on the floor as I cried in pain. Wet drops burnt on my hot skin, steamed into something worse than the purity of water. I let out another shout and this time it was louder and more painful then the rest. With that the door opened and I fell closing into the floor.

Someone came in but I could not see who. If I died without telling Mal the truth I kept hidden in me and without warning my friends of what was to happen, I could not die in peace. It would haunt me even in the after and I would be killing myself over and over again.

But I was tired and I just wanted to run away. From this, from The Darkling, from everyone but Mal. 

I didn't feel my hands nor any part of my body fighting for life. It rejected like everyone once did to me.

Was this my end? 

Was this how I was going to die?

Alone?

I would try to hold until I could. But something waited for me and called me.

I didn't see or understand much as I died in the loop of pain again and again. This time colder tears fell on my face tripping down the skin. No one would come and that was when I realized no one would be here for me. Not even The Darkling. I was left to die and my deeds had finally caught up to me. 

I cried for help but no one hear my crys of pain.

I then lost my sight of vision and so I walked into the darkness the called me helplessly. But it felt-I felt willing to reply that which was planted in me. I would no longer hide what I needed to be done. This was the end. And it was, or it should have been.

***

The door took a while to open, after all it was locked. Pietre cursed himself for ever giving a hostage a room she could lock. This was even more foolish of him than how he spent his summer. As punishment to that, he was told to take care of this _situation_ but did not know he was in-charge of it, of _her_. 

This was either one of his mother's skillful games he witnessed every now and then, or a new type of lesson he did not want to get into. He thought he was both and this time he was a victim of it. What was his mother trying to prove this time?

All the power he had felt good, but wrong and cursed. He sat on a throne built of lies and sacrifices and therefore stayed away from royalty as far as possible. But he did it in rather fun ways. He bit back a laugh, this was something serious and his playings could wait.

He was headed to his wing to call it a night away as he could not face Yelena, so it was best to avoid her, he thought. He opened his door but stopped when he heard a rather loud scream, a cry of pain, and he instantly ran to where it came from.

But that was when the surprise caught up with him that it came from Yelena's room. The one person he wanted to avoid tonight. Where were the guards that had their post here?

They were probably used to it, after all torturing criminals at night was their specialty. But the worst thing was that everybody acted like it didn't happen when they all knew it did, but carelessly did nothing. One of the many reasons to stay away from the toxic politics.

But that was not an excuse to leave their posts. He would deal with this later he thought. First he had to deal with this drama.

Another cry came this time more desperate and he was left with no choice, at least that is what he told himself to feel better. And then started to pick the lock. It wasn't his best skill but he was taught to just incase. 

When the door finally opened he heard something fall down and saw Yelena on the floor. Blood spilled from her head from what realized was her that had fell. This was not just something she acted up, she was indeed hurt.

He ran to her side and then slowly grasped Yelena into his arms making sure not to hurt her fragile body. He inflicted pain on himself the longer he held on to her. She was hot, the one that would melt metal without a doubt. But if it weren't for the thick clothes he was told to wear, he would no longer have his arm. For once he was grateful.

Yelena's face was more pale than usual and he noticed blood spill from her ears and nose. What had been wrong with her? Was this some sort of a plague she had been exposed to? He didn't think twice about leaving her here helplessly just to be left for death. 

He saw the tears that were dried up to steam, only little remains were left. From his experience, he could tell she had suffered from not physical injury but from something greater. Something her body was not capable, of containing any longer. Though this knowledge was not learnt from the field, but what he saw with his eyes when The Grisha's were experimented on.

Guilt struck but was dismissed as he felt her pulse slow down second by second. He called for help but no reply came. It was late but it was no excuse to not reply to the prince. 

What was everybody really doing? Could they not hear the scream of pain or my call? 

Anger struck him, and he got up with Yelena in his arms. He got half way to the infirmary before the supposedly guards that were meant to guard her room saw him. 

He gave an angry glance before he continued walking to the infirmary. What would be the point in leaving her now. So he sent the guards to get the alchamist and the paramedic ready for her. It was late at night and they probably would be asleep. 

Once he reached the long room he let her down on a bed that was set up. Then he realized the stinging pain of the wounds. Holding her had eaten through his clothes and wounds had already started forming. 

The alchemist came in with the paramedics a second later wrapped around in the robe above her night dress. They looked barely awake but this was one of the perks of being a prince. He could annoy whoever he wanted, whenever he wanted. He always let his pride get in the way to see the truth. That was why most girls went after him. The thought gave him a smirk. 

He was told to sit on another bed when they noticed his wounds. He really didn't care about them and told them to pay attention towards her, but that would only get them into trouble. So he let them what was to be done. 

He gazed towards the old fashioned, and plain room that held about a dozen beds. This was the smaller infirmary and only meant for the residents and not the soldiers. If his mother ever found out about this she would have his head, son or no son. Her ego and pride was more to her than a son. After all she needed a daughter to succeed her not him. But it was the throne that spoke not her. 

She was once loving but now she was far from that. But what would his mother do this time? Send him to more missions, more training? More attempts to _teach_ him? It was all a waste of time and sooner she realized it the better, he thought to himself. 

He only did what he did now just to test his mother. It was unexpected, but so what? He would use it to his benefit. Playing games was fun, no matter who got hurt. Yelena cleaning today was entertaining but the fact she thought to challenge me was an interesting trait I wanted to explore. So of course I did what I had to do to let that happen. 

"Your Highness," the alchemist spoke. He forget that he was here as he was lost in his thoughts.

"What," he replied without thinking twice. He could talk in whatever way he wanted but it was not right so he apologized after it. He was immature but nothing would stop him from loving his people, not even his own mother.

"She is not breathing Your Highness," the alchemist stated.

"What do you mean?" I was trying to hide my true reaction. Was I so self absorbed that I let someone die while moments ago I burnt myself to save her.

Why had he done that? He walked towards her, touching her white hair, and felt her neck for a pulse. Most women would take that as a something else but this was not one of his games any longer. In that moment he had grown up from the playboy to a man. 

Her pulse was very faint and she would've been as good as dead. 

"Get the Grisha Healer and Heartrender immediately." I said without a second thought. I would not let her die on my watch. When she had been true to herself and not the crown that laid on my head. She knew I would never rule but she never pointed it out like everyone I knew. The sudden change in the emotion surprised me, but I didn't care.

I was vulnerable but I wasn't known to care. And that is what I did.

"Are you sure Your Highness? It is a risk and you know it. I can't go without The Queen's permission I-"

"I will deal with the Queen later. Tell them I speak on her behalf, now get her what I asked, no one is dying today," I replied calmly with authority. 

This was the biggest risk I had taken recently, and one that would cost me dearly. But I couldn't let her die. If my mother asked or found out about it, I could tell her that she was a valuable asset to Grisha knowledge. And it was true, but not the whole truth.

But that lie would work long enough.

She knew the risks as much as he did but she did as he asked. Before she left to get them I said something that reassured her I cared.

"You won't get in trouble for this, I promise." A lousy one, not sure if I could keep. But the alchemist gave a small nod and hurried.

What happened to Yelena? What was really going on now? Was this just a bigger scale of one of my mother's games?

Only Yelena could tell me the truth _if_ she would every wake up. 

No, she _would_ wake up. I knew it in me.

Now only the Gods could save her and I was at their disposal. I did not like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Y'all,
> 
> Sorry I lied. I am so sorry. And I will promise I will post the next few chapter really soon. I promise I promise I promise. Though I hoped you enjoyed this one so far. Believe me it takes time to cook up the next part with school going on and also with very few people helping me out (the eyes are on you 👀). So many possibilities and I am left alone to decide. This can be very dangerous (smirk and evil laugh).
> 
> Anyways leave constructive feedback, praises, comments, comments and comments PLEASE!
> 
> Or else....I will leave you at the suspense for even longer. Yes I am The Darkling of this universe. Very mean and vile.
> 
> Anyways, cheers you lousy peeps!
> 
> -A


	10. Chapter 10

Cold stung me like needles as if I was ice. I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact what I saw. I had been here before just not the way I remembered.

I stood in a place of nothingness with darkness all around me. I could not see myself unless I called to the light. The light that unexpectedly returned. I would figure that out later and ask the one person who knew the answer. But for now, he was not the first thing I should be thinking about. 

But why not?

He was the last person to see me, to leave while I was left to kill myself. Was I really dead or lost? Only he could answer my questions. Was this the after that was planned out for me?

I knew I still had not healed from my surprising yet painful outburst but I was better. Though these thoughts consumed energy even when I could not feel anything. That was greater than walking through hell over again as seemed like the right price.

If I was dead or partially dead I could feel it. The more hope I gave to that, less pain stirred up. Soon I would give up and my friends would understand. 

_What if they won't?_ A voice in my head spoke. 

It disturbed me to think that so I budge that thought away. More important questions needed to be asked like, what truly had happened which was still left unanswered.

I did not know how long I was here for. I just woke up, out of the pain, into this void. If minutes, hours, days, weeks or months passed I wouldn't know.

Honestly this was not what I had in mind nor what I was taught the after would seem. It looked like The Darkling was right about something. 

Not him again. 

If he was the reason of all this, he needed to be stopped before anything worse happened. Or was this one of his new learnings? Was this his playground or was I being delusional? To that I looked to the ring that rested on my finger. I expected some form of a reply, but it seemed dead and unresponsive. However, taking the ring off was far from my mind. 

I did not remember what had happened so far, only knew that this place crept of horrors that I fought it with a gamble of my life. It was unclear but how long would _that_ last? I gave up hope more and more every time after a fight. But how long could I continue to do this? To let the darkness finally take me for what I was in for.

But loosing yourself in the best and worst parts is a dangerous thing to go through. Especially when you are alone. Especially when only few come back.

And this was just the beginning and Alina knew that. The worse was yet to come. 

Drowning in my self pity was useless, I had to stay strong for Mal and my friends.

Oh Mal. I lost hope that he would forgive me, but he loved me. Love, marriage, best friends; we had all of that, but would it hold if he found out the truth? I knew he would find out someday or sometime and I prayed he would forgive me, but I already knew my answer.

My thoughts of Mal were intrupted with one of my horrors coming back to life. It was Nikolai, I could hear him as I heard a voice. The sound was more of a growl but I ran towards it knowing of my naviety. I saw what the darkness had in store for me. Not the Nikolai I loved, with the charming smile but him in his _nichevo'ya_ form. But he did once recognize me before and I thought it would work again. As my desperation took over me without thinking twice, I paid the consequences. 

I went to hug him while he did recognize me though not in the way I wanted. He looked at me as I was a meal he so waited a long time for. I didn't want to hurt him and I got hurt because of my tardiness to react. Maybe this place would kill me faster with emotional manipulation. I couldn't think straight if it came to my friends and then his talons digger in deeper into my still pale skin. He was the horror for now, and like always I had to fight it to survive. I had a feeling I had done this before though I couldn't remember any of them like always. 

He was not real. But he was; as the poison he gave me grew and called to the pain that rested and I lost strength. Heavy amounts of blood dripped and I saw black and white spots dance into my eyes. Now was the time to react or else I could not live to see the light again; if there was any chance of _that_ happening.

He gave an evil smile and I called a small sum of light in unison to that and he went away. 

I slowly let my tear come down to my face as I did not try to heal myself. I was tired of playing in this charade but who knew how long it would last. I needed answers and it was now. But I was too weak to think and it was time for me to rest for my next battle. 

The wounds he left we were deep and so did the scars. They were more deadly than I thought. If they were real I did not know like everything else. But feeling the pain told me that I still had life in me. Hope and Faith. That I was not dead. Not yet. Just lost somewhere.

I closed my eyes once again after this long haul. I wouldn't remember this until whoever or whatever I was fighting against let me. This made the wounds more bearable. It was more merciful than the memory of my loved ones used against me. And in this loop of pain I would go repetitively. 

When would it be over?

 _When you give up_. A voice spoke in my head. 

***

"Alina"

I woke up to a sound of a voice and started looking where it came from. If there was someone here to help me I would see to it. I didn't need to suffer here any longer. I didn't remember what happened to me before, but it had been a violent fight but someway there was no trace of blood to be found.

The voice felt familiar but I just could not put my finger on it. I slowly opened my eyes and saw a man come into view. I could not see his face clearly and the darkness wrapped him like everything else around me. I didn't know who this was as his face was still not clear.

"Who are you?" my body seemed small as I spoke to the mysterious man. I moved forward and woke from my resting position to build guard. I called light like I once did without making any major movement to get a change to see his face. The move was coming back smoother than I expected. Having my powers back was the only reason I lived, but it was not a time to celebrate.

Hope was loosing as I kept wondering what had happened before, more fights I forgot the less I felt to continue. I still had no memory what happened earlier or before like always.

"I am sorry Alina." It seemed that the man had not heard me correctly so I dismissed the apology which I did not know what was for.

I repeated my question this time louder and more confident than I intended. "Who are you?" I searched in the shadows to see the face but he rejected to see me. This just made me more angry. 

"Alina, I shouldn't have left you. I should've been there for you." His voice seemed apologetic and smooth to make me feel each word he had meant. If this person had his own thoughts and continued this apology I would not wait, for I did not know what it was for. I had fought to the last strand of hope just to live when in return I would loose this fragment of memory unless I had some answers. This voice was different to the one that spoke to me before.

I pressed the question once more this time I would not be ignored. "Who are you?"

"I am sorry. I-I-Its my fault. It was never meant to happen. Please Alina, I am sorry." If this person felt something he surely sent his message loud and clear. 

Now I knew who this was, the first person that spoke to me and awoke me, not the second one that previously only moments ago had spoken. I realized I was now hearing to two men I had given my heart to.

Confusing broke in me. If this was not real I didn't know what was. Or was this one of the new things of horrors that were chosen for me? They had to be real. They needed to be real. I needed someone who could help me and I had finally found them. But who would it be?

I was so confused as I did not know what to do.

The first voice was not who I wanted. It only left me bitter and with hatred, but the second one was the one I wanted to hear and so I called his name. 

"Mal?" I prayed his name like I song wanting to be sang. If he, my husband, my lover, my friend was here I would fight longer and harder. 

But was he the one who apologized?

No reply came back as I waited. I was disappointed. I tried the next name that came into my mind. I thought of the name I feared though urged me more. He had two names now I just needed to see which one would roll off my tongue faster.

"Aleksander?" Someone had to response unless now was my turn to attack in this fight. He was the last person I saw and most likely the one who had awoken me. I slowly crept towards the shadow the man I had seen earlier. I caught some of the dust around him, and I remembered what horrors I had encountered.

He instantly turned and I froze. 

"Alina don't do this. You will hurt yourself only more." His voice was now quite and strong and he stepped away from me. 

"Alina who is Aleksander?" Mal's voice not the one in front of me. The one that waited for me to reply to my other half. 

I stepped away from the dark man and went searching for my other soul. Running to where the voice echoed. I smiled to his voice and his smile I could already feel.

It was cut short when I stepped into the center of those two men, waiting for me knowing they had found me first.

One side stood Aleksander and The Darkling; the same person but what I called them made a difference. The other stood Mal. 

"Alina" they both called. One cold the other warm.

I did not know which one to look at. What was I thinking? I turned to Mal.

"Alina, you have no idea how much I missed you. Come with me now and all will be safe, I promise."

"Alina," Aleksander called this time, not The Darkling. The boy I did once love, that died in my arms. 

"Alina, he will not love you for who you truly are. If he finds out your secret you know what would happen. I never turned away who you truly were."

So the day had finally come. My heart had already started pushing itself from my ribcage, about to burst any second.

"Alina what is this monster talking about? Wait he is lying isn't he again?" Mal said with confusion. I wanted to say yes but I held that guilt in for too long, it was time it came out.

"He is not lying. I hide something you will not love me for. Something that will hurt you as much it did me. But I still did it and I don't regret any of it," I said quietly. 

Tears slowly flooded in my eyes as much as I tried to avoid them. If there was a way I could change my actions I would do them now without a doubt. Loosing Mal would be too much. But secrets have to come out sooner than later. This was very real. 

"Well you know I love you no matter what you are. What could be that bad that there is no repairing?" He calmly spoke with his smile. Thats why I loved him, but he would not love me if I told him the truth and that would be now. 

"I remembered and mourned him while I was married to you. While I loved you I still remembered him. I stored him somewhere in my heart that would open once every month and I would cry for him. I didn't know why, but I did it while you slept after you came from camping. It was behind your back. I am sorry."

"How did you mourn him Alina?" He pressed, his smile fainted into the jealous man I afraid he would become.

I did not reply and I fed his anger.

"Alina answer me!" He shouted, he was cold and nothing of the man I loved. Anger fueled him and I let out a whimper.

The question answer itself as my black kefta appeared on my body. Mal's eyes went red. I also broke his promise and he knew. 

"You were right Alina, this time you have gone too far. But this was his doing and I will save you from it like always."

"No I did it, willingly." More tears fell.

"That can't be true. He is just controlling you. He has gotten into your head again."

I let out a cry. Not happy nor sad. But one for pain worse than anything I felt. The night my powers came back was more painful than anything. But this was worse as he healed himself not wounded by the truth and I would do that for him.

"Its true what she speaks tracker," He finally spoke. He had no right, and he wasn't making anything better.

"Well its not true. You are just lying and using her again," Mal replied to him. 

"Well believe it tracker. She is the reason I am standing here infront of you right now. She preserved my ashes just like she did to the kefta I gave her. She lied to your face and kissed you when she reminded herself of not you. You stopped her from being what she wanted. I did control her only after I realized what she did. I doubt it she would do for you. Now I will know she will always choose me."

The Darkling gave a smirk.

"Why don't you let her choose." Both of them instantly looked at me.

Why were they acting as if I was a prize or an object to be attained. This was worse even for me this was what hell was like and I was living in it.

"I-I can't do this. I am not an object and both of you are fools to think I would choose." 

"Alina just stop this nonsense once and for all. Say you love me and come to me, I will keep you safe and wipe his existence from you. He has held you somehow and he wants you to be closer to him. Dont let that happen when you have me and our friends."

"If I said that, I am lying to you again. I can't do this anymore. Not for you or him, I hate him as much as I love you. But I can't say it."

I ran, away from both of them. They would be the end of me. I chose to call him Aleksander and it was my mistake, my fault, he was always The Darkling and I cursed myself. 

"Alina wait." I was already to far away for him to catch me but I didn't know who said that.

I tripped over and fell. The scar on my hand opened due to the fall. 

"Shhh Alina," he spoke. He took his fingers over my hand and cleared my tears. 

"Now close your eyes and this will all be gone soon. Dont fight it, let it take you. The sooner you do so I will see you. You will not be alone Alina, you have me as I have you. Like calls to like, there is no need to be afraid anymore." His emotionless and calm voice helped even when I didn't want it to. He was making my choice for me and I would not let him. 

But I believed him because Mal could not see the truth yet. I believed the monster that called me his balance. I realized history was repeating itself and he rested me in his arms for Mal to see. I ripped myself from him. I was nothing to be won. I ran away from him too and he did not follow this time.

I _almost_ let that in and sighed as I felt relieved. _Almost._ And then I knew I had done this before. And I realized this was my new form of horror and punishment. It was just another of the others games they used for their entertainment. The others that were meant to choose my after and plan it, were using it as a playground. And maybe I deserved it. I let sleep take me one last time again from fatigue of this battle. 

I dreamt of nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola guys! 
> 
> Sorry long chapter. This was meant to be released on Thanksgiving as a present but not only did I not have time I also just redid the whole thing. Anyways, ANNOUNCEMENT!
> 
> From now on I will aim to post Friday 12pm in PT every week. Starting from NEXT week. This week has its ups and downs so, I am sorry. 
> 
> If I have not posted then either something terrible has happened to my pure soul or I have died in the process of stress from school. And the funeral will be happening shortly after that if it is to happen. Note: none of you are invited. Most likely I will not be dying anytime shortly so don't tarnish my good name. 
> 
> And congratulations are in order. I just finished 10 chapters. YAY! A milestone. Who does not love that? Let me know what you think of this fanfic so far and your thoughts in the comments.
> 
> Anyways here is another BTW; probably the most important one yet (depends how you define important)!
> 
> Who do you think Alina will choose? What are you thoughts? Why do you think so? Is this real or fake? 
> 
> I did live up to my threat but I am sorry if it hurt any one of you. It was just a weird joke I thought would play out, I didn't expect some seriousness. However, as someone did reply in the comments in the previous chapter, know that I will not be scared to do it again and you should still take me seriously. Let this be a threat and a warning once more. (evil laugh)*
> 
> AND A HUGE THANK YOU TO ALL THE READS AND VOTES SO FAR!!!!
> 
> *I am very dramatic; if you have failed to notice this, I am sorry you just not good for this. I suggest you leave, See I was being sarcastic again. I like playing around so yeah, chill, and don't take me too literal (does not me this whole fanfic is bullshit). 
> 
> Have a nice day/night; really depends where you are.
> 
> -A


	11. Chapter 11

Pietre heard a cry. He did not know where it came from but he realized it shouldn't have come. It couldn't have come. He waited for the girl with white hair, who he was now sitting beside, to wake up. It had been a week and she was still in a coma like the healers told. No movement and no sign of life. He needed something and he needed fast.

He came to her everyday waiting for a response but also waiting for an explanation for what had happened the other night. It felt so long ago when he knew it wasn't. But he made sure to keep his mouth shut. The Queen still did not know and she shouldn't. He would like to keep it that way as long as possible.

They had got the letter from the so called King of Ravka asking for more time, but he knew the second he saw it they were something wrong, but time would be given. But he also needed evidence we didn't hurt any one of them. But the only person that could tell them that, the only source of that evidence was the girl that slept into in front of the boy. She should have looked peaceful but the energy that came from her body was nothing of that.

He needed her to wake up soon so no innocent blood would be spilled. He did not want a war to begin. But he had a feeling it had already, as soon as he went into that orphanage.

And it was then he heard a cry come from her. The first sign of hope. He called her name louder and louder each time waiting for a reply. She did not reply back, but cried until she stopped. In that moment he called the healers, but as they ran to help, the only sign of life was gone. She was gone again. 

***

This time Alina woke up more alone than ever. She expected Mal or anyone of her friends to be there when she did, but there was no one. She was still in the dungeon of horrors holding her captive from the after see needed. Memories rushed back to her head this time on what had happened. 

A wave of fatigue hit her as soon as she tried to raise herself from the uncomforting floor she rested on as if the others that controlled this place didn't want her to. 

She got up either way even when her body rejected. If the horrors did not come soon, she suspected there was something wrong. Or that the others were really tired this time. Whatever illusion they had displayed earlier probably used more energy than it should have. But as time grew longer here, she knew that that wasn't the reason.

Remembering was her new torture.

She remembered crying and crying in-front of the man she loved. In front of the man she hated. Two different people. 

She knew she had suffered worse, but that was not what she was thinking about. She remembered when she cried, she heard a voice. Not from her mind, nor from the men that she was running away from, but from a foreign.

"Yelena" the voice said. She instantly knew who it was then, but her mouth did not want to reply and so she didn't force it and slept. But now as she remembered, she didn't give a damn. How many more illusions, how many more lies would she be fed?

She got her answer as a man crept out of the shadows. He slowly walked and she instantly knew who he was and she didn't care. He was no longer a person to her. Not here, not ever again. Even though it was hard to believe everytime she told herself that there was always hope. Hope she knew that was a dangerous thing if was put in a wrong place. Hope that he was still the boy she once loved after everything that had happened.

We all know that would be a fool's mistake to do so. And so did she. But it never stopped. It was always war with her hatred for him and the hope. Last time the hatred won the battle, but the winner of this internal, hidden war is yet to be announced.

"Hello Alina," he plainly said without as much of an emotion to show how he felt. The same cold, heartless man she knew. A small smile lifted his lips was not the worst but when walked to her. He had the audacity to think everything was normal and she would welcome him here. She knew this was another illusion, so she tried to ignore him. 

But as if he read her thoughts, he spoke, "I am here Alina".

She let out a laugh. This time it was The Darkling's turn to be confused. 

"Like hell I believe." She didn't even try to meet his gaze this was another trick and she walked away. 

"I swear to my mother Alina," his voice was calm and hinted pain and regret. Those that were not shown.

To that she shut up. He never swore to his mother. This was real. He took her eyes but that was because he couldn't bring himself to kill her. You could say this monster loved his mother in his own way, if he could love.

"Prove it," if Alina's boldness struck him, he did not show it. She was tired of all the pain and suffering.

"As much as I would enjoy to, I am here for something else," he dryly replied. If her aggression effected him in any way he did not show it.

"Another way to torcher me then?" she spoke back accusing him. She needed the satisfaction to win and she would get it done.

"I would if I wanted to. But I dont enjoy torchering you. Its you that makes me. You leave me no choice."

"You always have a choice." she sneers back. Why was he acting all innocent? Acting like a heartbroken boy and not the monster he was. Why was he being Aleksander and not The Darkling? Two different personalities in the same person.

If this argument was a game to win her again, she had to find a loophole so she would win, she would make sure she would win. No longer would she depend on anyone at all to survive. The time of crying for others was up and now it was her time to rise for once. It was not her that spoke but The Sun Summoner. Just like Aleksander and The Darkling were different, so was Alina and The Sun Summoner. Two different personalities, one human the other crave for power.

"I do. But it does not exist when it comes to you." he gave a warming smile trying to charm his way into this, but he is failing and she knew it. Charming was not in him, lying on the other hand was very much him and he had the experience of years to back it up, to perfect it.

She laughed again more wicked than warm like his smile. She thought she was going mad and she was. The Darkling was enjoying this and they both knew it.

But this was just a game, a move in something bigger for The Darkling. He was always there every second of it. He wasn't there totally but most of his attention was. He saw as she fought, every fight, every tear that was dropped, he saw it all. It was a test, a tactic in their game of chess, and she was weak as of this moment because he had trapped her and was almost winning. Just a few more moves and he would have her. But naive as she is, she of course did not know that.

He replied in a second to her laugh, but colder than she expected. 

"Why didn't you take off the ring Alina?" and at that moment both of their eyes were on her hand where the ring hummed its own lullaby. 

"We both know it wouldn't work." Alina doesn't meet his eyes, its like where they were was just getting colder and goosebumps started raising in her skin. It was the hatred and pain in he that said that.

"How can you be so sure? Have you tried?" For a moment she thought he was honest, that he was telling the truth but it was just a lie like everything else that came from his mouth. She stayed silent not knowing how to act back, not even moving a muscle as she looked into the inky floor. 

"You wanted me Alina, you still do. Why else would you keep it? Stop lying to yourself when you and I both know it that we have played this charade more than once. Just stop and we will both get what we will want." He was in front of her now gripping his strong hands on her shoulders but it didn't hurt.

To that her face, her confidence drops. "No. You will get what you want. You will win not me." It sounded more like a cry than a reply but it hinted regret. Only if things were different. If.

He reaches out to her, to take her cheek in his palm as he looked her in the eyes. 

"That is what you think. You make it sound like me winning is a curse, a sin, a pain. How do you know if I win, I won't make you win with me? Do you know my true intentions or is it your imagination and the lies you make yourself believe that I am a monster? I once wanted you and I still do. I still believe there is a chance, there is no one like us, and no matter how much you betray me I know that at some point you will learn the truth. And that is why I am letting it go, because you will come Alina, and you will regret not coming before. That is why I let you go, that is why. Because I want you to come back, just like you first came to me. There is no other like us and their will never be." 

Holding tears in her eyes was an impossible task she made possible when everything inside her shattered. His words cut deep through her skin but not violently. They were the truth, in a twisted way they were the true words that were in him. He was once again the boy she fell in love with, without the agenda of using her, and he was still there, and he could change into something better because the tone of it voice showed as as if he cared for her.

"How do I know you still want me? After everything?" This was not her pride speaking, her desperation took over her, and nothing was there to stop it as the words trembled to her tongue.

"I am sorry I left you,"he replied back instead.

So it was him to apologize Alina realized, it didn't even seem like him. The great and powerful monster was saying sorry, confessing his feelings.

"You were not meant to be caught." 

Now this was interesting. He was letting her in to her plans, she was now going to use him as he did once to her. She shoved her feelings for once and started become the monster to kill the monster.

While he knew this, he would still give her what she wanted, so she would feel like his equal and be his equal. This was a way to use her, to make her his once and for all. He could no longer wait for centuries if she would not live because her powers were not at their peak. And this delay was just postponing his plans he needed in action as soon as possible for the dynasty he wanted to create. But he had to win her over like he once did, but this time would be harder, it was still possible. If his mother was here, she would be mocking him for even thinking of that as a possibility. He needed her to crave for him, to cry for him, to sing for him, to obey him, to fight for him, live for him, want him as much as he wanted her, but he had to control his feelings and make her trust him for those feelings to come. He needed to show her he cared for her, that he loved her. 

Love. A poisoned word, that could kill any man as strong as a bullit.

But he needed to risk it enough to activate her feelings that were still there and he knew it, he just needed to push it out of her, to make them come to their full capacity, he just needed a form to trigger it. And now was the perfect time to do it.

\----

Remember when I first actually met him? She asked herself, he was cold and just cold. Even spring would've died just by looking at him. He was nothing of kindness. But then she remembered after, their journey, he killing off the hunters, him apologizing, the little palace, the kiss, the winter fete. But she didn't forget the things he did after that, the way he used her and the events that were caused. She could never forget that.

"Did you ever think what would happen if you stayed? If you never found out?" he said bringing her away from her thoughts.

"I dont know. But certainly we wouldn't be here." She jokes trying to hide the pain in her words. 

She suddenly realized that she would be head over heels for him if she never found out, agreeing to all his demands like those before her and those before them, just seeking and waiting for his approval. But sooner than later she would've found out, but it would be him explaining making her scared of the thought and the outcome. 

Would he have told her the truth? She doubt it. 

He would enjoy making her run blindly into her death for him, of course he would do it and he was amused at the thought. But so may things would've been different. She would've been his servant, just like the rest of the grisha, and not his equal, always someone--something--lower than him. It was up to him how much lower. But she did wish Bargha never told her that day, how many lives would've been saved, the old woman would've been alive, her taunts still with her. 

She recalled the night.

"He has served countless kings, faked countless deaths, bided his time, waiting for you." It would mean something completely else, even in her heart with the naivety or not, would believe it to be something else if it weren't for the circumstances, the words Bargha spoke after.

She hated her naviety before and she of course hated it now. She still could not see the full picture, his true motives, unless he trusted her, then his fall would finally come, this time nothing not even she herself would bring him back. But she needed his trust it would be hard him reading through her thoughts, she just needed to be carful and cautious.

"Do you ever wish you stayed? That-" he voice fades, he was just the boy she thought she knew and she was falling for him once more. Craving him, but he was using her as she was now going to use him, both of them did not know that, not yet at least. 

But again secrets are meant to be exposed, its the time when that happens defines the fate of others and the future.

But she did at some point wish she stayed. There were many reason to support and not to do it.

But little did she know he was controlling her, making her remember the good of him, with being in her mind and controlling her through the ring. 

"You know you can tell me the truth. Or I can force out of you. Both knowing the inconvenience that would cause. Why dont you just say it Alina? Why dont you just admit it?"

He was trying so hard, and then he failed, he just didn't know how to woo her once more. It seemed like the lies that were easily told of his tongue for all these centuries lacked in experienced. Lack in her, lacked in the way she knew him that nobody else did.

"Fine, at some point I do wish I stayed. If I did I wouldn't be stuck in this mess and many lives could've been saved," her voice was high now and at the edge of tears.

"At least we both agree at something." He did not even acknowledge her.

There was silence for a moment. Each waiting for the other to speak. She tried getting into his thoughts yet failed again. That gives him something to talk about.

"You are not failing because you can't do it. Its because of the ring. I willingly put in on you for I can then see you. For you to see mine, you have to willingly do it too."

It was dangerous and he knew it, but this was a way to get her trust. But he had something she didn't, and that was experience and he could hide most of his thoughts from her. He then walked closer to her minimizing the air between them. He took of his ring, just like that. The ring which he said that would not come off. Alina didn't try it taking it off because she knew it wouldn't work, because he willingly put that cuff, that collar to control her. Now he was giving her the same opportunity when he gave that ring to her. 

"You have a choice now."

She took the ring without a breath. It was cold in her hand, exactly identical to the one deactivated on the other hand. 

What do you want Alina? Either choice you pick cannot be undone, he speaks to her head but his voice echoes even though he hasn't used his voice.

She thinks nothing ever good comes from that, but then she does something unspeakable. She slips the ring into his finger and imedetialy drops his hands as if it was a sin to hold it in the first place. 

She knew it must be done, for the better, for once she was thinking about the future and not living in the moment. She was about to sign her soul of and see the thoughts of the darkness himself. The Darkling himself, as much it should scare her it didn't. She was now bound to him for good, and nothing even he could do to stop that.

"I am surprised you did it willingly the first time." He looked at her as if she did him proud. 

Just a little longer, just a little longer than I can go to Mal. Knowing it wasn't an option she convinced herself otherwise.

"What can I say I am full of surprises," she needed to do this, needed to do this for everyone she loved.

"Why dont you give it a try."

She focuses on her ring and then his, then everything around her changes. There is now a room where she stands in, with bare walls, colored nothing but of black and to chairs and a table with a book resting on it.

She immediately knew it held everything about him. Instead of him kicking her out, the room welcomes her more, he welcomes her more. Was he trying to be nice again? Only it would take a while for him to become the ruthless monster he is.

Maybe if he cared, if he had a soul, if he could feel, if he had a heart, then maybe things would've been different.

If he knows what she was thinking he didn't react to it just like before as if he chooses what he wants to know.

She slowly sat down on the chair reaching out for the book seeing her last actual memory with him. She remembers him interrogating her, and then when Pietre comes in, and how she erupts.

But she sees something she did not notice before. He went for her, reached for her, tried to save her, but was too late, and faded into his shadows like he could not control them as if it was out of his will.

She realizes the truth. He did want to come to her, to save her, but he couldn't. She understands the apology. Then he finally speaks after a long wait and meets her gaze. He has one leg on his knee the other towards her perfecting through her eyes.

"I never meant for you to get hurt Alina. I wanted to save you, you were never meant to be caught up in this mess. You were meant to bring me back but not like this. I was never fully there because you didn't slip the ring in. You didn't bound me completely to you, and for my delay to that, to explain it to you, you paid the price while I was sucked helplessly. You could only see me because of that ring and nobody else would. You brought me back fully when you slipped that ring. And if my thoughts are the small price to pay so be it."

At that moment she slaps him as there is no warmth in his voice and only bitterness. He was just being nice for to enjoy her naivety once more. But he does flinch as if he is used to it. In that moment it hits her that he was the person controlling, he was the others. He was really there. He just made her realize she was a fool and a really big one for even believing for a second. He gives her an evil smirk reminding her for everyone he has killed, every life he has taken. 

She rises out of her chairs trying to get away from him. But he laughs as if she is really clueless. The is no running away.

"Being in my mind has its advantages. And you blindly walked through this trap. Looks like there is a lot for you to learn my dear. Really you have become more of that mouse, just like you once were. How my leaving has effected you even if it was for a little while," he smirks. There is nothing kind in his voice. He is The Darkling once more.

Anger burns up in her and she knows its of no use. He has already won another battle in this long game of chess. 

"You always put up a fight. Why not give in?" he asks.

"Never" she says with her last breathes as the air around her became lighter.

"Ok you made me do this my dear."

Before she could argue with him once more she was hit by the blackness, choking on her emotions.She could sense him grinning before she went out completely also realizing what his last to words were.

My dear.

What did they mean? She really did not want to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this one heck of a chapter making up for the loss of not posting on time.
> 
> Sorry.
> 
> I know its confusing and there is a conflict with the feelings so it might take a while to get your head wrapped around it. I am so happy, I have a lot in store for you ladies and gentlemen.
> 
> Feel free to write your thoughts.
> 
> Enjoy the rest of your time until we meet again.
> 
> -A


	12. Chapter 12

I dreamt of nothing but the next day or the next time I woke up with my eyes still closed, I felt different. And for the first time it was the good one. I didn't have my back against against the hypothetical floor and I was not surrounded by the mercy of the controlling abnormal supernaturals. But this time I felt safe, I felt like I wanted to stay like this forever. But I knew nothing lasts forever, not even immortals themselves.

So as I took in the surroundings and the lingering aroma of my resting, my eyes snapped open instantly knowing this was real. Though I was not awake or here physically, but it still felt very much real. I was on a soft proper bed, covered with linens all soft as silk all shaded in colors I could not see. I realized there was no light to help me explore this unknown so I called my powers as if I was breathing. Slowly light started pulsing from from me, increasing by the second as I rose to sit on the bed. 

As the second passed there were more things that came to view. Two chairs and a table were in front of me, while I was in the same walls I had collapsed around. Only this time the room was changed to become a chamber containing a bed with walking-talking lightbulb hanging around as if a shiny trophy. As the room was plain and simply designed, it spoke elegance. To my naive mind this would've been a beautiful place, but I have known worse to see this as a cage and it was not mine, but I was its. This was place to contain me and lock me up mocking comfort and freedom. This cage could be as big as Ravka for all I cared, and yet I would still feel that sense of defeat. I was a lamb in a slaughterhouse, just a pretty one, and could not escape my fate. 

A boy that I once loved was there before on my eyes, sitting on the chair with his legs on the table as if he were very bored. He wore nothing special but the same thing I seen him in as if it was his only choice. Despite him hiding and I knowing the fact he never expressed any form of emotion, I could sense he was feeling even when he did not want to show it. After all, I was in his mind now after being trapped in mine with him. And he knew that. Then his eyes were on me as if he had just noticed.

None of us spoke and just stared at each other seeing who would break first. And it was the little mouse. For a few seconds he celebrated his silent victory and then he spoke to me. 

"You're up early. I expected more after your little outbreak," he spoke. As suspected not emotion on his face and no hint of regret but all I could see were dark eye bags under-neither his eyes.

I wanted to kill him right then after what he had done to me. It took all my energy not to and that thought made him smirk. It was good to see that he would always be the same and I was completely delusional every thinking they was hope and that he could change.

I understood what he meant by my little outbreak. It was his way of telling me that he had won my heart for a while and shattered it when he got the chance when I slipped in that ring.

"What did you do?" I said calmly with all my energy.

"Nothing which you need know of Alina. But the time is coming for my plans to finally take place. And you know that I can do it with or without your willingness."

Was that why he told me about the ring recently? Why he used me like a puppet for his goals to make me feel for him again? Never would I make that mistake again I told myself. But I know better to lie to myself now.

"What are you going to do?" I spoke back with no emotion. If he seemed surprised with my reaction he did not show it. In fact I knew he felt it because I was in him. In a different context that would've sounded wrong but it was right as of this moment.

"So many questions Alina. What makes you think I would answer them knowing you may betray me any second now and use me?" This time his face hardened and for a second I was scared of what he might do to me. So I moved back and he let out a small chuckle looking to the ground.

I got together and spoke trying not to break in front of him again. I needed to be him to use him even if I had to be a monster. 

"Its not like you didn't use me. And I think answering my questions is the least I deserve for being trapped inside here with your mind games." And I knew then he was considering this when his palm stroked his jaw. I had now started becoming the monster I had vowed to be, but to please him was the first step in this impossibility. But I had to very careful like I thought before, and baby steps first.

"I agree. Ask and I will choose if I want to answer them unless you give me no choice," he sneered. By the look of him I could punch him in the face. He remembered what I said about him having a choice and now he was right, because when it came to me I would usually give him one, but that would not happen, especially not now. The game had began once more, now we were to see who was to break.

Then my tummy grumbled and I was sure that he heard it. I didn't think of food all this time but how could I? I wasn't even here physically but my stomach thought otherwise. I kept my pride and ignored it but he thought otherwise. And food appeared on the table he sat at.

"Eat." But as I rose he put out his hand and looked away, telling me to stop. I could see why now, the nightdress. It was him, he had made me wear it that night. It was him. I angered and my face flushed at the thought. So now he would be dressing me up too? What was he now, a tailor? This was the same type of the nightdress I had worn when Pietre had found me. The same nightdress but now it exposed more space suiting the temperate I was in. The warm air kissed my scrawny pale skin when I expected coldness. It felt my senses had kicked in after he had caused them to go numb, which I partially thank for. But I still scrambled all the linen sheets over my body, and he didn't care as his eyes were far from me and his back was all I could see. At least he was chivalrous and had some dignity. "And change, we will talk later." Suddenly a pair of clothes appear on my bed, then he disappeared with his shadows and I was alone again because I am always left. Alone. 

***

After I ate the meal he had given to me, unknown of what is was but it tasted good. I didn't even know if it was breakfast or lunch I just ate causing to stain my nightdress. I knew my body was weaker than it was before, even with my powers coming back. I changed quickly into the black boots and the pitch black trousers and shirt wearing my kefta around it. No. Wearing his kefta around it, but it shockingly fitted me perfectly. I tied my white hair into a lousy braid wishing Genya was hear. I was now ready and supposedly cleaned up. I left the plate and the nightdress neatly on the table. 

I sensed then I was not alone and when I turned around I saw him sitting on the chair his legs resting on the table, the plate and the dress long gone. It was like he never left, and that sent sent shivers down my spine because what if he didn't. 

"Ask away when you are ready." I sat on the bed which provided enough distance between the darkness and the light. I thought of what I could ask first. My curiosity was something I never needed to think about but now I needed to think. I wanted to ask him if he was here when I changed but it was not the best one to ask, and his face spoke everything. 

Which would be the most effective one? Which one would be the one I could win him over? Which one would give me everything I needed? What question Alina?

So I thought of my light and asked my first question. "How? How is this here?" I let out a small pulse of my light "My powers, you, this place? Where am I?"

He did not look at me as he was lost in his thoughts finding the best way to explain it to me as if I was a child.

"You are in my mind. Or at least a corner of it." There was fear that builded up inside of him and I could feel it as he paused. Then he looked right into my eyes. 

And then there was a pause and he looked away.

"What were you thinking Alina? What were you doing?" I guessed he was talking about the night I surprised myself even I didn't know what I was doing. The fact he was reacting this way made me think if he was using me again.

"I dont know. You are the one that trigged whatever it was. Shouldn't you be using me because I summoned." I was probably as much shock as he was, maybe even more. I died I could tell that day and was reborn into something else, someone else. And now I was here and all I was doing was acting like an amateur I am. But I never thought about the night the way he did until now.

He stroked his hand on his chin thinking for what seemed like a long time. 

"The magic grows too strong. I knew you had a little power left but you needed to take make a sacrifice for that. A quite big one if you are wondering. What you did--this was not expected."

He stopped looking at me half way, as if it hurt him to look.

"What do you mean? Why didn't you tell me this before?" I lunge forward from the bed going towards him. I needed answers.

"You were never a powerful Grisha Alina," the way he said it hurt me. 

"The ring is the bridge the connects you here into my head and with me. I depend on your life as you do mine. When I was--" he stops, "dead--I learnt somethings. I was thinking why the after I was sent to, did I end up coming here out of my will. I learnt that you had the ability to summon not only light but something from The Old Religion something which merzost is a part of now. You have inherent it from somewhere and it grows in you. Its right next to impossible to have that."

When people say impossible, they usually mean improbable. That was what Nikolai told me, and it was true. The memory of him came to mind to what was to happen to them. To the children that were somewhere. To the Shu's.

What had really happened to Pietre after my surprising exploit.

"His real name is Qadan Kir-Taban. If he wasn't embarrassed he would've told you," Aleksander said. It seemed like he could read my thoughts in his mind too.

The Darkling I knew did not have mercy but putting my fate in Aleksander, I still had a chance to know what had happened while I suffered. So I then asked my next questions this time closing the distance between us to talk to Aleksander and not The Darkling. But I ended talking to the monster.

"What did you do to him? I swear on The Saints if you--"

"He is being useful that's all you deserve," he snapped. He was once more the emotionless man.

Anger burned in me but I pushed in back down not to risk anything. I tried to change the topic then.

"What is it? I mean The Old Religion."

He took a deep breath to let me know he was giving me a history lesson and I sat on the chair adjacent to him.

"The Grishaxes, or you could call them Old Grisha, created The Old Religion. They used their powers differently and had unique abilities. Magic you would say and not small science. They are millennials old and that is why no-one has heard of them not even Morozova. In their time they experimented using the strongest of their people that could make and summon fire, water, air, light, and shadows. They then used merzost a common skill but extremely hard to use to create something. That something, was The Old Religion. A force that can create humans and create worlds. This cause to created the after and us Grisha's but also made something more. But the price was high and they paid it. And now merzost which was used in making it, it is a practice part of it now. "

"What was the sacrifice?" I spoke. It was a dangerous question that the answer would have a deadly answer and I knew that.

"The deaths of all the Grishaxes. Their extinction. This was a slaughter of not thousands but millions of lives. But it was only later Grisha's centuries later, came and our powers that compare nothing towards theirs. You have a part of it in you. This in you."

It was then he looked at me in the eye. Then I could see him create something from just looking into my eyes. I saw a line of shadows and monsters of ever shape and form. The looked human but if I focused on them they weren't.

"It is not Grisha, and being a part of it never makes you a strong Grisha. Its dangerous to play with. It is the reason you lost your Grisha ability because of it. You tampered with something you dont even know of. I found out before you could do much damage. Tell me, do you remember what happened during the nights you mourned me do you?"

I didn't honestly. I remember parts of it but the rest seemed blank or stollen. I looked at him with a frown.

"That was you wasn't it?"

"Yes, its a good thing you don't remember it. Its not too much in you but it can grow. After the stunt you pulled out that night it will rest for a while." He gave me a little smirk. I knew then as I felt a small pulse in him too. He was also part of The Old Religion. And he knew it better and he was stronger. I was terrified at the thought. If he had both Grisha ability and Gishaxe I really needed to start praying .

Would there ever be an end to this power hungry maniac?

"What really happened all those nights?" I asked carefully not to break my mask. He had no right to take those memories for me unless they needed to remain forgotten. This time I made sure he could read it my thoughts.

"I used one of these spirits to posses you. You were a strong host and I craved for what was in you and so did my spirits. You were just a part of something big. What you did every night was to make sure I did resurrect, and make sure it was secure that I could be risen...Using The Old Religion," he face back to his unreadability.

I was horrified. The days I mourned him, he used me? Just for his benefit everything was and for a second I thought he cared because when he talked he was Aleksander, the boy blessed with too much power, knowing there was no longer another like him. But now he was The Darkling once more.

"If you were so fond of having your minions posses me, why didn't you just let them use my body to bond me with those rings. They could've done it willingly," I screamed at him, tears falling on either side of my face.

He rose from his chair cupping my face and wiping my tears away.

"Because only you without anything else could make sure the bond was secured. I slipped that ring onto your finger, and now I know you feel the same way about me Alina. I know you want me as much as I want you." If they was nothing cruel in his voice I would've kissed the monster he chose to be but instead I get away from his grasp and make sure there is distance between us.

"You dont want me! You want my powers. Tell me who was it that helped you? You couldn't have learnt all of this on your own." I needed to know who before more damage could be done. He used his evil chuckle then. 

"So many questions Alina. What will you do now if I dont answer? Use your light against me? Use your magic against me and blind me like you did to your horrors?" he mocked.

"You might be gifted but you lack in control and in experience. I could teach you of course. But to answer your question, let me tell you I have many that await for me and want me to lead them. But an amateur practicer summoned merzost and got addicted to it. This gave me enough strength to meet my grandfather. And then, like you he was also possessed to do my bidding. But he got the curse of dying because it was too much for him. Pity he would've made a good solider," The Darkling spoke.

He looked then and moved away from me.

"I told you, you mean to something to mean with or without your powers," and that was the boy I was looking for all this time. The one that cared and felt.

"So why did you come back?" I asked calmly using my mask.

"You could make many and use them as you did me. But why? " I needed to know more to know what to do.

"Haven't I made it obvious?"

"So what I am now?" I asked quietly.

"You are my other-half Alina, my balance and my equal as I have told you. Never would you be less and I will make sure of it. Our lives are bound together and you were the only one powerful enough to let me do that."

I understood then that I was a part of a fight with him and himself. He as Aleksander felt while The Darkling didn't, both in conflict this whole time. I realized then I had been so blind to see what was infront of me. Aleksander needed me, but The Darkling wanted me. I knew what to do now. And it was not to become a monster but to help bring out Aleksander. It is a long shot but either I can save him or become a lust for The Darkling.

"Welcome to the beginning of our eternity," The Darkling said.

Now the real war had began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO YALL,
> 
> My annoyance will be on hold for now, because my birthday is coming up soon. YAY! Anyways leave your thoughts, feedback, (constructive and/or) criticisms, and improvements. Vote and follow (to get notifications of my update's unnatural behaviour, unless this is saved in your library). Please help this story grow if you think its worth it. Sorry if I am a bit late, got lost in editing for a while.
> 
> I hope you are having an amazing day so far! Merry Early Christmas and Happy Late Hanukah for those who celebrate It feels like Netflix has already given me an early present with the teaser and release date (if you didn't make sure to check it out).
> 
> -A


	13. Chapter 13

<<While Alina slept peacefully before having the conversation with the darkling>>

_Pietre_ _POV (just to help clear things up and avoid confusion)_

Alarms sounded in the middle of the night. We were under attack. How and why? I took time to consider it and understood just mere moments before someone tried to open my bedroom door. They were still struggling which gave me time to go get my sword.

The Ravkans. 

Those fools, those _petty_ bastards and liars that could not wait, could not bear to give something up just for the greater good. Now the start of lives would be lost today. The friends closer than family to me, those I grew up with, would die right now.

This was it. I was about to break my oath and they called for this and I answered, for now vengeance grew in me by ever cry I could hear. I tried so hard to be good, and this is what they did to me.

The door was the shot open but I slid behind it so the foots steps I heard could not see me. And just when they were of out of their guard I slit whosoever's throat without thinking twice. I didn't even look at their face because I felt no remorse of the black mask that was on this human body.

Now examples would be made what we would do to ones who lie to my face and hurt the ones I love. Who hurt my people.

I didn't know how many bodies I slaughtered without thinking twice when I came to the door. The secret the girl that slept on was holding onto was the only reason I would hurt her here and now for all that my people suffered for. And this time children alike would suffer at my hands.

I was Qadan Kir-Taban, the slaughter, the butcher of souls, and the corruption of the pure. I would take my time with each one of them. They brought the monster I was embarrassed to be to show it off to the world.

I was death, pain and agony itself.

Every soul knew my name but not my face. 

If the Ravkan's were here they would first go for their people that meant Yelena and the children. I went for Yelena who they did not know was lost in her sleep. She was more of a value to the knowledge I needed.

But as I walked to the room to see the Ravakan girl, she was gone like the dust. I blinked.

She was gone.

She was gone.

She was gone.

They had already taken her as I saw the bodies of the staff littered on the floor and blood smudge on the walls. 

As I walked closer to the bed she once rested on, I saw a note that sat there. The letters were elegant and were beautifully crafted to mock the power they held, the control they held. Written in the way I knew too well. I slowly took it into my hands to read it.

_Qadan,_

_I see you received this note as I expected you would. Yelena, as you would call her, is safe as I have taken her. If you were the fool I met all those years ago when you were still a boy, I expect you have grown up. Or are you still the stupid bastard that can't see the threat that was in front of him all this time. Prove my choice was not a mistake and look behind you._

I turned without as much as thinking when I saw a man, a face, the darkness I knew too well that I fought all those years ago. His shadows waved as if they remembered me but something was different. Now behind him stood a group of shapeless and the mask guards I had slaughtered. More grew as seconds passed, because I realised whoever I had killed were not real and monstrous soldiers were not meant to exist as I saw their true faces when they bent in different shapes and sizes unlike anything I had every seen before. 

"You," I said but my voice came out raw from the shock. I could have swore that I felt my heart stop only to beat again as he looked at me with more focus.

"Good to see you have not forgotten," he calmly said with a effortless smile.

I stepped a few steps back to put some distance between the monster without risking to turn around to what I hit but my eyes were still on him.

"You are meant to be dead" I pointed at him. My body was shivering, my breaths came out wrong. I would not be a fool that did not know when to not fight and when to not run without looking back and I was not that fool. 

"Good. Now let go of the sword and show some respect Qadan after all I did spare your life." I let down my weapon only to the sit on the chair he gestured towards.

"I see my choice was...effective. Good to see you had taken care of the girl and can still obey. But my Grisha on the other hand..." he hissed, but still held that calm gesture but I could still feel the evil. 

He looked exactly as the last time I saw him, but this time colder and more evil.

"For all I care about they can die," was all I said.

I didn't know why he didn't cut my tongue out right then and now. I knew when _not_ to fight, but did not know when to shut my mouth up and he nodded as if he could read my thoughts.

"Aren't you going to ask about what the girl truly is? Isn't that what you have waited for?" as he sat down on a chair to mock a civil conversation his army of monsters glaring at me.

"I know that everything that comes from you mouth is a lie" I spat.

As he laughed it held no humor. 

"You are still a child. But I wonder why you didn't tell the others what happened that night. Interesting really." 

He looked to the side as if actually thinking and considering the possibilities. To another Shu he would look like a theirs, a soldier and an innocent boy, but I knew better. He was the one that gave me that scar.

Then his eyes were on my scar as gave an evil smirk to it. "How is it? your scar?"

My scar started stinging, started burning and hot blood walked down to my jaw and dripped on my skin. I didn't dare let out a sound.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip. 

"I see it still has not healed. I expected you to grow up from your foolish mistakes and know not everything is as it seems _Qadan._ Now _, are_ you not really going to ask the question that has been burning you?"

I did not look at him.

"Ughh, you stupid boy I wish you were on that throne right now just to prove the scar as a paper cut. I will give you a clue because I am in a good mood. The chest, the secrets, but most importantly the hair. I am disappointed you haven't figured it out yet."

No one has white hair. No one...but...

It could not be, she had not Grisha powers, she was dead. She _is_ dead. 

"The Sun Summoner" was all I said to show him that I had been really stupid to not know what threat layed before me. This answered what happened that night, the night he somehow knew about as if he was there.

"Good boy." He said that as if I was his dog. 

"Yes, now as I spoke of the chest where is it Qadan? Or do you now prefer Pietre?"

The chest. I had forgotten about that, about it all but her. I believed everything that was told to me. 

Shit I was really stupid, I was really a fool. I noticed then that I heard nothing, not a shout or a scream of my people.

"You better hurry up, only a few live unless I change my mind."

"Why?"

"I say now is not the time to ask questions if you have learnt anything from the last time you encountered me." 

That memory hurt. Nothing was worth more than my people so I forced my mouth to move.

"I don't know, but I assume its in her room, still there."

"Good boy." He looked and nodded at one of his monsters, his creation and it disappeared only to appear with the chest blinks later. 

"Now what?"

"Now, I call the real reason I am here. I knew you were to be useful at some point in your life. Pity, if everything went as planned with Alina before, I would have forgotten about you. But lets see what you can really do now."

He clapped his hands and one of his monsters jolted into me. I cried out loud just so anyone could hear it.

"What are you doing?" I spoke with the last of my breaths.

"I owe you no explanation boy," was all that I heard him said as every bone and every sense was being broken before being stolen from me. My eyes went dark and I could not see anything. 

Something else now controlled my body, and I was lost and could not control myself. Was this how Yelena, no Alina, felt all this time. I guess I would never know as my soul and mind went against me. I was good as dead now. But I heard one last thing before whatever this was knocked me out.

"Good, now keep an eye on the Grisha and escort them out safely. After that go back and help your people like you are expected to do. Do not bring any suspicion and make sure none of the other Grisha get hurt while I am gone. If anyone asks what happened say the _boy king_ attacked and took them all before you could do anything. Go now, and do not do more until I ask you to."

The monster in me nodded to its master and that was the last I knew of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> Yes I am alive, and I am sorry I did not post for a while and sorry that this is short. This week has been messed up honestly, so whatever you do don't loose faith in me. If anything is confusing PLEASE let me know. I also tried with the perspective and timeline info on the top to help clear things up, let me know if it helps.
> 
> As usual let me know how its going so far and feel free to write down comments, improvements, constructive criticism, and praise (which of course I do not deserve) because they are always appreciated. 
> 
> Thank you for all of those views, and votes that have supported me so far, I will never forget this.
> 
> -A


	14. Chapter 14

>

We were almost there. Almost.

But if we went on longer without rest, us being dead would make Alina's capture look like a paper cut. Too many people depended on me and my friends. I had left my country just to walk into another's without the guarantee of survival. These people wanted me dead no matter what they said.

We were in the mountain's where we knew Alina would be kept here hidden. Somewhere here, in some fort the Shu's were known for, Alina and innocent children were held against their will. Most of them probably already hurt due to our delay.

We were a day's ride to Amhrat Jen, but now time was of the essence and we had decided it would take longer and that it would catch too much attention going there. Too much was already at risk and it wasn't safe enough to stay here for long. People would figure out eventually I was not in Ravka. 

I was here for one and one reason only, my people, my friend and innocent children. Just by capturing them I knew that the Shu's knew they had waved war, but only I could reply once I knew they were safe and when we were back with Alina. Until then my notes would do. They still didn't know who she was nor did I believe they would find out soon unless Alina had already thrown in that for the hope of safety. They were now probably —

No, I would think of that.

Right now we were getting ready to finally rest for the night and freshen up if there was water nearby. I had taken the responsibility to search around the perimeter for any threats or Shu soldiers from the Amhrat Jen. We were already tired with searching the vast inhabitable territory looking for any traces of a keeping, but Mal contributed that there was no chance of existence, which we already knew. We had throughly searched the area we came entered thoroughly. Unless one of had missed it. During the journey Mal was the most active participant and he did get better than he was at Os Alta and slowly the friend I knew had come back, but I think that was because we didn't bring any kvas, well none Mal knew of.

I had marched tiredly into the trees waiting for any sign to help to get to a pond at least and of course while search around for unusual behavior. My hair was a mess, my clothes were ripped and most of my skin was filled with bruises. It felt that the saints hadn't blessed me when I had gotten into a fight with Mal, nor had they blessed me with speeding recovery. Mal on the other hand looked untouched probably because it wasn't him that Zoya had throw to the rocks. Mal had in fact annoyed us all with his insults and complains and I couldn't take it any longer the first night. It wasn't like me to do something like this but nonetheless I had done it.

The wind was crispy with lust even for spring, yet the mountains just guided us through dust and occasionally some trees. As we started entering the area was filled with nature and springs all with breathtaking views. However, moving closer the land just got dryer and dryer as if they had to kill to move forward.

Each of us had taken responsibility to search each corner around where we planned to stay for the night, only because it excuse to get away from each other. Together we stank of death and puke with my pretty face as the center of attention. I could joke my way into trouble but could joke my way out, a lesson my friends had taught me very often.

Walking and scanning every inch of the land, I had been looked for possibilities where they could be keeping dozens of children and Alina, and what place would be big enough for this and so did everybody else.

I had left my original transport miles away yesterday morning as getting closer to the capital only because it would make us identifiable too easily. It was suffering to know my flying ship was not being taken care of, but David out of all people had quited my whines. I had already suspected the rumor of my early adventures had reached here, or soon would be, and the element of surprise was long gone if it was there to begin with. The Kerch merchants who still owed dues to me had called in their Grisha to help me with my journey. One healer, one inferni if things got rough, and one squaller if Zoya got tired. None of them had asked questions to the Ravkan King because none of them knew any language but money, which they owed me. I would have taken the Grisha that would volunteer without hesitation, but suspicion would've risen as Zoya proclaimed.

I walked between the occasional trees and grass of spring that were rich wishing I was here on better terms. The birds calling one even in this dry mass of land, had made me want Alina to see this. And that was when I heard a sound. A sneeze specifically, both very loud and painful.

As I tried to search for where it came from I realized I was quite far from where I had originally started. I carefully ducked low discreetly finding the source of that noice. Just when I was about to give up hope I heard two voices of two men chattering casually with a deep accent in Shu. I was happy that I caught some of their words and phrases as they spoke as I adjusted my position to get a better view.

"The bastard boy can't keep his head straight for one minute" said one though he didn't look at the other while talking. It was obvious he wasn't happy that he was standing there in the first place and probably was having some reaction to whatever was in the air. At first I thought he was referring to me and stress few over my face but I needed to control it and hear as much as I possibly could. 

"If he hears you speaking like that he will cut your tongue you know. He might be the reason we are standing here while the others get to inspect but at least we get to earn some money while we are at it," the other said.

Two Shu soldiers I realized, wearing heavy armor from top to bottom leaning on one side as if looking for something. Both of them had a strong building and their facial features could not be seen with the heavy helmets they both wore as if readying for war. By looking at just them I understood that we were far from prepared. But why would they be standing here and for what purpose? And I thought I knew that I myself was the answer to that. They had already known.

I heard one of them moan which was not expected. Whoever these two men were, they were close to be assigned together, the best way to stay united if the odds were not in your favor.

"You should shut up before he actually comes and checks on you boy," the second said. Listening and looking a him I could tell he was older than the first, probably a mentor.

"Father I can't, I have been in this shitty armor standing here uselessly just waiting for something to happen when it clearly isn't. The prince let the girl go right under his nose thinking she was not a threat and took all her orphan brats with her. Because of him I have to stand here when I could be enjoying my time in the capital," the first complained.

They didn't know — well at least not yet about my plans. And Alina had escaped. She had actually escaped, how I would ask her when I found her. If she had escaped, she must be somewhere close assuming she had not planned it throughly. I thought of lingering a moment longer but thought better until something caught my ear.

"We both know that is not true." Then the second paused. "Even if it was, I doubt the queen would leave that unpunished. We both know that his scars are real and I am not talking about the one on his face." 

The older man looked around as if checking there was no one there and then lowered his voice and continued. 

"She is likely to have escaped with something else— or someone else is my guess son. How I don't know, but you saw how sickly thin she looked when we saw her scrubbing the floors, she isn't capable to do something like that all by herself. There is a traitor amongst us I am telling you. And knowing the prince he would slit his own throat before letting her escape, much less helping her do that." Looking at the older man I saw he was about to say something more but thought better of it. 

"And boy you need to learn to shut your mouth when it needs to be shut, otherwise you're going to loose more than just your tongue next time you speak. This conversation never happened, you hear me?"

The younger man had stiffened in his place still comprehending what he heard only moment later nodded. But strangely it was only after he held his other gloved hand as if protecting it from something or remembering something. Only when he left it and nodded I saw that instead of having a glove with 5 fingers, this one was only made for four. I understood what the father of this boy meant and shocked I never thought they would harm their own people nor would the queen harm her son. I knew of how they treated the Grisha, but their own people? But why wouldn't she? He had no claim to her throne, it was only her daughter that did. This madness had gone too far. No wonder Alina had escaped when she got the chance and if they treated her like that too they would be sorry they even saw her face.

I made my way back to where we had laid out camp. I wondered how long I had been away because the sun was ready to set but instead of running away from the soldiers, I steadily walked too lost in what I heard.

Was it really possible that Alina had gotten help from someone or something? And if it was true who would it be? 

No matter how much I believed in Alina, I knew she it was unlikely for her to be in contact with someone much less escape on her own. But she had manage to do it and now she was hunted. 

If the soldiers were looking for her why were they standing there as if it was a fort they were protecting from whatever broke her out? Unless there was something wrong, unless there had been an attack that made them more precautious of there protection. Unless lives were lost during her escape.

I needed to hurry up and tell my friends what I had learnt and fast before one of us did something before we all regretted. But something moved behind me before I could take one more step.

***

Mal out of all people was the one that almost frightened me to death. And the first thing he said was "BOO!" And that earned him a punch in the face. That was twice I had been violent against my normal nature, but this wasn't a normal situation. 

"Where were you Nikolai and why do you still stink?" he asked. 

Mal surprising had cleaned up probably from a pond somewhere which I might've missed due to my eavesdropping. He now wore clean trousers and a white t-shirt with the boots he washed. I ignored him moving forward without so much as looking back. There was still too much on my mind and we couldn't risk fire tonight not after there were Shu soldiers nearby. We also needed to move away because we would be found sooner or later. And so I told Mal first hoping he wouldn't do something foolish with the information. Instead he reacted well to Alina's escape as if it was the only thing he heard and I assumed he might know which route she most likely would've taken.

And so we walked back, Mal guiding the way. None of us spoke after that because there was too much to tension and stuff think about. 

***

They were all clean and somehow I did not like that none of them were sitting next to me while I was explaining what I'd heard. Even Zoya kept her distance. All of them couldn't believe that Alina had done it, that she managed to escape. But I didn't include the part about how the boy was punished just like I didn't tell Mal, it did not seem like it was mine to tell.

"Are you sure you heard it right Nikolai?" Zoya asked. It wasn't her fault that she didn't believe it. I was surprised yes, but still honestly couldn't. I was here to save her and she managed to save herself. The friend I knew was still there even after how much she had faced. 

I nodded back. Like Mal and I had done on the way here, the rest of us didn't speak. Only minutes after Mal had roasted the fish from the pond he caught, all of us quickly finished and went to our own corners to sleep. We could place actual tents, but not knowing when we had to leave or would be surprised with an attack we didn't use them. Instead the sun set, and we all placed the sleeping mats on each of our corners. Mal was taking watch first.

I stared into the sky watching the stars sing to me and somewhere between that I forgot where I really was and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi fellow readers,
> 
> I humbly give you my many apologies for not updating for well, I believe it's to be a month. Though I can explain with good reasoning it was that my exams had finally come to haunt me.
> 
> As for the chapter, we haven't really heard about Nikolai for a while so here he is. Things from here onwards are going to get interesting so keep reading if you want to find out what happens.  
> Note that the next chapter is also about Nikolai — but wait, I suspect that you are more into what the Darkling is up to, but the next chapter really plays a role so just hang in there. I usually upload somewhere near the weekends, however new year, new habits so...
> 
> And as usual compliments, feedback, and constructive criticism are always helpful.
> 
> Enjoy the rest of your day!
> 
> -A


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